BULIMIA, CHILD ABUSE & CONFIDENCE ISSUES I felt profoundly lost in bulimia which I had suffered for many, many years. I saw Melanie as the side effects continued to get worse such as an irregular heartbeat, uncontrollable binge urges and the enamel had almost worn away on my teeth. My bulimia was triggered by trauma in childhood and the uncomfortable emotions I felt such as guilt & shame. It was a way of distancing myself from feelings that seemed unmanageable and overwhelming, such as worthlessness and loneliness. I hated myself when alone. It helped me deal with so much pain I had inside as through purging, all the negative feelings disappeared and I felt comforted. Bulimia for me was a way to gain some control in my life. Feelings buried in my past or fresh from my current life. However, I was just kidding myself as all the emotional trauma remained with me. I was hurting and punishing myself when I really shouldn’t have been. It also felt good knowing that I could eat whatever I wanted and I wouldn’t gain any weight. I also suffered huge confidence issues as my mother is controlling which made it difficult for me to grow into the well adjusted adult I deserved to be. My father remains emotionally distant and overly critical. They had strict unspoken rules for controlling which emotions could be expressed from an early age. They had little time for me and I felt unimportant. I learnt to monitor as well as hide my feelings and most of the time I denied them. I had no experience about talking about feelings. I also feared other peoples’ feelings too always remaining alert to them, ensuring they were not upset in anyway. As a result, I constantly compared myself to others as well as took remarks as well as situations extremely personally. I was always trying my best to please others in order to feel valued and a worthwhile human being. My best was never good enough. I was always setting myself up for a huge fall. I also saw Melanie for issues around sex too. Melanie, no matter what I brought in to the room and no matter how I was whether it was nervous, scared, testing, tearful, always remained constant in her reactions towards me, creating a safe place for me to be. This allowed me to begin showing the parts of me that no other person has seen, such as the profound vulnerability and how easily hurt I could be. She allowed me to feel comfortable discussing and opening up about things I would have never discussed with anyone else. Melanie was always most understanding, open, genuine, patient, professional, consistent, full of empathy and compassion, positive and so easy to talk to about anything. She knew also just when to push me and when to be understanding with me. The ideal Therapist for anyone! The resultant change in my behaviour has resonated through every aspect of my life. I am now looking at life from a new direction and enjoying the view. She has been a real inspiration to me. I now have an inner calmness and happiness which will always remain with me and a knowing that I can handle and face anything the future now holds with great confidence. It doesn’t seem right for me that all I can come up with is to say thank you to Melanie. I would urge anyone with any issues to see Melanie no matter how embarrassing or awkward. Choose to change now and live a life that’s full and rich as you deserve and pick up the phone or email Melanie now. S.