Why Your Mother May Be Influencing Your Love Life
It is our moral obligation to love our parents because they are the ones who brought us into existence? Maybe so, but just like us, our parents aren’t perfect beings. They also have shortcomings that often impact their relationship with us, their children. Nevertheless, it is still our job to straighten things up and mend whatever problems there is between us and our parents. Otherwise, this ‘not-so desirable’ relationship will thrive and what we may hate most about our parents could be what our future partner would hate most about us.
Past studies have found that people tend to choose mates who are like their parents. Men like women who resemble their mums while women like men who have similarities with their dads. This finding echoes the concept popularised by the legendary psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, which states that the emotional relationship between mum and son has a strong effect in the child’s love life later in life.
What your mum has to do with your love life
A growing body of research suggests that what’s unresolved between you and your parents doesn’t automatically disappear. In fact, it stays there for as long as possible, waiting for that perfect time to hit back. Unfortunately, these conflicts no longer affect your parents, but your own relationship! For instance, if you have never felt satisfied with the love and care you received from your mum, you are likely to feel the same to your future partner. Shocking right? But sadly, this is what happens in many instances.
This applies to your dad as well. If you were never close to your dad, you might find it difficult staying emotionally and physically connected to your partner. In your conscious thoughts you may not know this, and you may even deny this. But deep in your subconscious, you are just making a replay of the negative experiences you had in the past, particularly with your parents.
Your relationship with your mum has a great impact on your relationship with your future or current partner. So if you feel rejected, abandoned and unloved by your mum, you may also be lacking of the love, affection and care necessary to make your partner happy. But the good news is it’s never too late to fix the problems of the past. According to experts, re-establishing the connection between the child and the mum can actually help a person revive and improve his or her relationship with others.
Holding grudges and rejecting our parents will do us no good. It will just make us feel more depressed, unhappy and unloved. It takes away our capacity to love genuinely. But if we reconcile with them, we remove the bitterness that prevents us from being the best romantic partners we can be.
Seeking counselling and other similar forms of therapy can help to identify the root causes of any suppressed emotions and can often shed new light on the situation which could very well be the first step to improving relationships with your family members.
Dear Readers,
How do you describe your relationship with your Mother? Do you think it has similarities with your romantic relationship?
Share your comments below!
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