Why Physical affection with Parents Decline among Adolescents

Sharon Moore December 21, 2012

Back in the days, you used to cuddle with your baby, wrap her around your arms, kiss her cheeks, nose, and belly, and embrace her as if you will never have the chance to embrace her again. But as she grows up, the physical affection seems to fade. You rarely hug her. She rarely hugs you. You don’t even touch each other. The physical contact is gone although both of you are still emotionally connected. What could have gone wrong?

Adolescence and Physical Affection with Parents

Physical affection is as important as emotional affection when it comes to parent-and-child relationship. Experts suggest that kissing, hugging, touching, and other forms of physical love are crucial to children especially from their first month to age 5. But as the child steps to the puberty stage and journey their way to adolescence, physical affection starts to wane. While some of them are very much open to it, many adolescents stop showing their desire for physical affection with parents due to varying reasons.

For some teens, physical contact with parents becomes inappropriate the moment they start to feel the need for physical privacy. For instance, adolescent boys are more likely to show lack of interest in physical affection because at this stage, they really don’t want to feel, and be treated like a child anymore. It also feels ‘unmanly’ for some.

In adolescent girls, physical affection declines as they develop a sense of independence. This is sometimes a relief to some parents because mood swings can make young girls less huggable. For dads, hugging their growing teen might produce awkward feelings.

Certainly, parents can easily detect if their child no longer wants too much physical affection.

In some cases, the rejection of physical contact with parents is triggered by emotional disorders resulting from traumatic experiences such as sexual abuse.

Compensating the loss of physical affection

Always remember this: just as you long for your child’s physical affection, your child is also hungry for your touch. But as the need for physical affection declines, the need for emotional and verbal connection increases. As parents, we can show our love and care to our children through words. Openly congratulating your son and patting his shoulder for getting high grades in school, or saying words of encouragement to your daughter who’s experiencing her first ‘heartbreak’ are definitely going to eliminate any physical barrier that could have disconnected both of you from each other as your child enters the adolescence period.

Never let the communication between you and your child weaken. Because it is the best and simplest way to express love and affection when physical contact seems no longer appropriate.

Dear Readers,

As therapists, what advice can you give to parents who feel that their children are no longer longing for their physical affection?

Share your comments below.