Why People May Not Be Acknowledging You

Amy Taylor February 01, 2013

One, two, three – the stagehand rang the curtain up and the spotlight followed you as you walk from the back to the centre of the stage. As you approach the microphone, all the audience stood up and made loud applauses. You haven’t started with your speech yet but you can feel the overwhelming recognition. But as you’re about to open your mouth and start talking, the lights turned out. You heard a voice shouting in the background and when you turn around, it was your boss – very annoyed. Uh-oh, you forgot to finish the report he asked you to do. So you’re back to the real world!

Why do we feel the need to be recognised?

Most of us dream of being recognised for our skills, talents or accomplishments. We dream of being acclaimed, praised and applauded. We give so much effort in enhancing our skills, learning different things, advancing our education, and doing all sorts of things because we have a deep desire to impress others and claim the sweetest reward – recognition. But the question is – Why?

Basically, the unending desire for acknowledgement and recognition is innate in us all. Because through these, we feel secured and valued – two of the major needs critical for our survival. Being social beings, we need the approval of the group or society we belong to. By impressing them, we win their hearts, their acceptance. Our quest for recognition has been around since childhood, which is triggered by the desire to feel secured. It continues all through teenage life and adulthood. It is a human nature to constantly seek for assurance and security for it is the ultimate way to preserve our ‘self-worth’.

Why do some people rarely acknowledge us?

Can we not assume that acknowledgement is something people will be much more willing to give provided that they all want to receive the same? Unfortunately, it isn’t always the case. If you’re like most people, you must have plenty of accomplishments that were left unnoticed. It is not because you didn’t do something extraordinary, or you lacked what it takes to be applauded. There are several reasons why people may not be acknowledging you.

They were deprived of recognition. Some people are deprived of acknowledgement and appreciation from childhood to adulthood that praising another feels like scratching a wound that never heals. In their subconscious mind, they are in pain whenever they get to recognise a colleague, a relative or any other person for his or her accomplishments.

They are innately competitive. Highly competitive individuals don’t seem to appreciate others because they are confined in the idea that they too, can do what such people can. Praising someone therefore would make them look and feel inferior – the biggest threat to their ego. Some competitive people feel good about themselves whenever they hear about their colleague’s failure. You can rarely expect praise from these people.

They are in denial of their own need for recognition. Some people know they need to praise someone close to their heart, say a friend or a sibling, for their accomplishments but couldn’t do so. It’s because they are in denial of their unmet needs for recognition. Praising someone for his or her success, achievement or unique talent can be very difficult and heart-breaking for this kind of people.

They feel praising someone might make that person less humble. There are people who perceive praise and acknowledgement very negatively. For instance, they think lauding others for their success would make these people conceited, braggart, or egotistical. So even if they want to, they will choose not to say anything, except in cases when they really need or want to acknowledge a person.

They think the person is not worthy of recognition. Some people are very hard to please. It is not simply because they are perfectionist. It is also possible that they are performers and achievers themselves. Or, they don’t think that another’s accomplishment is more than what is expected from him or her. That is, they don’t think that person is worthy of their praise and recognition.

They have strong sense of entitlement. Some people think of privileges as ‘rights’. These are people who you can’t expect any ‘thank you’ for the generous acts you do for them. Exhibiting a narcissistic behaviour, these people think all their work will be recognised and taken for granted. They will never, and won’t ever consider appreciating others and being grateful for their acts of kindness. Basically, they only think about themselves.

Fostering Self-Acceptance

Considering all the facts mentioned above, there’s no reason for you to feel sad and rejected if only a few people seem to recognise your accomplishments, as well as your efforts. Understand that it is not you who has an issue. It is them! While it can be a factor, it is not acknowledgement per se that makes us happy about our achievements in life. They key is to be independently happy regardless of whether people appreciate you or not. You know your limits, your strengths and weaknesses. The fact that you worked hard to exceed your expectation of yourself is enough to make you feel ‘worth it’ and ‘special’. When there’s no one to pat your shoulder or give you some congratulatory remarks, then do it for yourself. Being happy, honoured and proud of yourself will give you lasting happiness that no one else can give. For it is only through self-acceptance that you unconditionally appreciate yourself, free of any pre-qualification.

Dear Readers,

Have you ever experienced being ignored and not appreciated for your accomplishments? How did it feel? What did you do to cope with the negative emotions?

Share a comment below.

Source of this article:

Why People Don’t Acknowledge You