Why Loving is More Rewarding than Being Loved

Sharon Moore July 03, 2013

The old saying ‘it’s better to give than to receive’ appears to hold true with love. It isn’t just a simple notion but being the one who loves more has been scientifically proven to be more rewarding than being the one who is loved, emotionally and physically.

There’s a common advice – don’t ‘fall’ too much, or else, you will get hurt. Many people are afraid to give all their love to someone because they think that once the other person gives up, they will be hurt deeply. But it seems that the benefits actually outweigh the risks. Here are the reasons why:

People who love have longer life spans. Whilst many people think that they need to find someone to love them, the greatest benefits of loving are seen among those who give love. A study by Stony Brook University found that elderly people who engaged in helping and supporting others ended up living longer lives than the recipients of the care and support.

Loving reduces your stress levels. Whilst relationship conflicts are among the most common sources of stress, love that is shared between two people is an effective remedy for reducing stress levels. Loving can keep you mentally, physically, socially and spiritually healthy. Whenever you show love, your body produces oxytocin – a hormone that acts as a natural mood booster and painkiller.

Loving keeps you young. A groundbreaking study on loving-kindness meditation by Harvard University researchers showed that practising generating love on a regular basis reduce cellular ageing. That’s why they say you ‘glow’ when you’re in love.

It makes you healthier. Research by MHRA Ed Diener and Martin Seligman suggests that connecting with others in a meaningful way promotes mental and physical health, and even speeds up a person’s recovery from disease. Experiencing negative emotions such as anger, anxiety and sadness regularly increases the risk of cardiovascular disease. Loving and feeling loved counter all these emotions, leaving you feeling better.

Yes! There’s more to loving than just being loved!

Whilst we sometimes feel that it’s better to outsmart our feelings so we don’t get hurt, doing this can prevent us from experiencing the benefits love has to offer. Every one of us should aim to become more loving in any kind of relationship. The following tips can greatly help.

Express what you feel. Many people in romantic relationships often make a big deal of who says ‘I love you’ first. Some are too shy to admit their feelings. Often, we’ll hear our critical inner voice telling us “don’t say I love you unless he or she says so”, or “hide your feelings”. But when we carry on with it, we deny ourselves the chance to get and experience what we truly want. At the same time, it creates a feeling of ‘emptiness’ inside. It is much better to say how you feel than try to hide it. Avoid analysing what your partner is feeling. Whenever you want to tell your significant other “I love you”, say it!

Avoid setting conditions. Many couples end into trouble because they tend to quantify what they do for each other. One would say “I will only do this if you do that” or “Why would I do that if you yourself can’t do it!” The ‘tit for tat’ mentality is not healthy for a romantic relationship. Instead of thinking what you will get in return, think about what you can give. Remember, the more love you give, the more love you will receive.

Be supportive of your partner’s interests. Know what makes your partner happy and excited and take time to participate in it. This doesn’t mean letting go of your own interests and hobbies. It’s simply being open to trying new things. Who knows you would love it too until you try, right?

Don’t turn to against your relationship. As our relationship gets longer, we have the tendency to create a protective distance against our partner by getting less and less sweeter, getting mad at little things we don’t like about them, piling up every mistake they make and reminding them of that every day. We should struggle to keep the fire burning despite the challenges. It’s the only way to make our relationship last.

Show it. Have you experienced giving your partner a surprise but after all the effort, he or she didn’t react the way you wanted to? Maybe taking them out or giving them pricey gifts is how we express how much they mean to us. But we also need to consider if that’s what makes them feel valued. Maybe your partner simply wants to stay at home with you and watch movies. Considering what matters to them is another way to show them love.

As therapists, what advice can you give to those who find it hard to express their love and care for their significant others? Share your thoughts by posting a comment below.