Why Admitting Your Feelings is Often Hard to Do

Helen Holmes December 20, 2012

You heard that the flu virus has kept your colleagues, friends and relatives tied to their beds and you feel worried about them. At the same time, you feel glad and thankful because you and your family are all well. Some people in the company you worked with get laid off and you feel sad and sympathetic for them. However, you feel relieved because you were not one of those people. And even you really don’t want to recognise it; you are somehow pleased and excited because you’ll get the opportunity to take a better position in the company.

Many times, we are confronted with different situations that lead us to experiencing mixed emotions – positive and negative ones. But probably because of our ‘humanitarian instinct’, we try to repress the emotions that we think are inappropriate, like in the sample situations above. Most of us tend to condemn people who are very loud and outspoken about their feelings because we think they are getting insensitive, even though we also feel the same way.

Repressed feelings lead to physical pain

But the repression of feelings doesn’t just disturb you emotionally, but also physically. The inability to admit what you feel stimulates your brain to produce higher levels of cortisol, which in turn, raises your stress levels. And we all know that chronic stress can lead to serious physical illnesses, including heart disease, cancer, and depression.

Taking a distance from your feelings is simply pushing them deep within. Take depression as an example. If you are in a situation where you don’t think it’s safe to express your anger, disappointment or frustration, such negative emotions can take a toll on your mental health and turn into depression.

But here’s something you should remember: one feeling doesn’t negate the other. It complicates it. Just because you feel glad about the career opportunity that came along with the laying off of your workmates doesn’t mean you are negating the fact that you feel sad about their loss.

How to effectively admit how you feel

Admitting what you feel doesn’t have to mean you should say it out loud to other people and hurt them. Peter Bregman, author of the “18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done” gives us three tips to safely and properly admit our feelings:

1. Acknowledge your feelings (all of them).

Don’t try to deny your feelings to yourself. After all, no one can ever tell what you feel unless you voice it out! Acknowledge all your feelings – all of it. Often, you’ll realise that you’re confronted with so many emotions – pleasure, joy, sadness, fear, excitement, frustration, etc. It’s okay. Don’t censor anything. You may want to write it down on a piece of paper. Don’t repress those feelings. Let them go.

2. Find someone you can confide with.

Venting out your emotions to somebody will certainly make you feel better. But make sure you are confiding with the right person. He or she could be your spouse, parent, sister or brother, or your best friend. Someone who knows you very well, who understands you, and will not judge you based on what you feel. If you are not comfortable revealing your true feelings with these people, consider sharing them with a therapist who is trained to help you understand your feelings.

3. Think before you speak.

When you’re with other people, be careful about expressing your feelings. Not everyone shares the same opinion with you. Careless admission of emotions might compromise your relationship with others. If you are not sure about your audience, keep those things in yourself. It’s enough that you acknowledge your feelings.

Dear Readers,

How do you deal with mixed emotions? Have you ever tried to suppress the emotions you didn’t want to feel? How did it affect you physically and mentally?

Share your stories below.

Source of this article:

Can You Admit What You’re Feeling?