When Your Child is Making You Want to Scream

Rebecca Lewis November 15, 2013

One of the hardest things about being a parent is regulating our emotions. Many times, our children would want to make us scream in anger. And even though what we really wanted to say are nice words that could encourage them to change their habits or improve their behaviours, we often end up saying hurtful remarks that bring emotional wound to us and our child.

The key is practising a good strategy to control and alleviate feelings of anger before it takes control of us. How? Follow these steps.

Stop, look and listen.In stressful situations like this, your body is in the ‘fight or flight’ mode. As a response, it releases tools (hormones) that could help you resistany potential threat, such as cortisol and adrenaline. You may feel an urgent need to react, probably by shouting at your child. But before you drop a word, here’s what to do – stop, look and listen. Stop or pause for a couple of minutes. Look at the situation as if you are just an observer (you are not the parent and he or she is not your child). Then listen. Listen to your heartbeat and to the sensations your body is experiencing. Do this technique whilst you breathe deep. The moment your mind recognises that there’s no potential threat, you will feel calmer.

Ask yourself – is it worth the anger?Divide your child’s misbehaviours to two – the ‘smallies’ or the small nuisances which are not worth the wear and tear of getting angry and frustrated about, and the ‘biggies’ that require a response, for you and your child’s sake. Condition yourself so the smallies don’t bother you. You see, being angry requires lots and lots of energy. You don’t want to waste it on insignificant things.

Change your thoughts.

Your thoughts can greatly affect your behaviour. If you let your mind linger with the mistakes your child has done in the past, the troubles he or she has been through before, and all those negative memories, you are just letting the fire grow until it becomes uncontrollable.Think about the positive traits of your child instead. This makes it easier to acknowledge that he or she is just a human who makes mistakes too.

Talk to your child later.If the anger is still there, tell your child that you will have a serious talk later. Allow yourself to recover from anger first. We can be more reasonable and open-minded when we are not angry or fuelled by negative emotions. Take a walk, do something you enjoy, or chat with a friend. When your anger has subsided, go and talk to your child. You can better convey your message at this point.

When you’re both calm, teach. When the anger has finally subsided and the emotional connection between you and your child is back, it’s time to teach. Explain to your child what caused you to feel upset and explore ways on how he or she can avoid doing the same mistake in the future.

We can never avoid not getting angry to our child. There will always be a time that they would want to make us scream in anger. The good thing is, we can always take control of our emotions and prevent it from affecting our well-being and our relationship with our child. By learning to control your anger before it takes control of you, you can help correct your child’s misbehaviours in the most effective way.