When Being Kind Starts to Hurt – Understanding Compassion Fatigue

Sharon Moore February 26, 2015

For quite some time now, a huge part of evidence-based psychotherapy has focused on the concept of compassion and mindfulness. Research has illustrated some of the key features of the compassionate mind, which are – the ability to take another person’s perspective, to feel what it’s like to be that person, and reach out to that person to alleviate his pain and difficulty. All these characteristics are all but geared to one thing – to alleviate human suffering.

All of us have been taught the same thing from kindergarten to grade school – be kind to others. And this is the very essence of compassion, which is now the centre of numerous scientific investigations. More and more studies are showing that compassion is a great way to obtain happiness and promote our mental health.

And even though being kind to others and helping those in need is something that is rooted deep in our hearts, a lot of times we get burdened by it. Take for instance the people in the healthcare industry. Care providers are among those whose sick people turn to for compassion, empathy and healing. But sometimes, we encounter caregivers who seem to have poor bedside manner. And this is not because they lack compassion. But perhaps, compassion has started to burden them.

Compassion fatigue is a real thing

Perhaps, the powerful insidious force that steals our ability to show compassion is habituation. As human beings, our behaviours and responses are all affected by our habits and routines. And the problem is that we get easily used to things. This means that if we do the same thing over and over again, the pleasure or joy we get from it wanes over time. Remember your first time at work? You probably are all that excited, grateful and everything. But after a few months, you seem to find it hard to appreciate your job and start to feel more stressed. This pattern is observed in almost everything, even in our ability to show compassion.

So in the health industry, care providers are exposed, on a daily basis, to human suffering that it progressively stimulates their emotion less and less. We are not saying that some health professionals are numb or that they lack empathy, some of them probably simply got so used to the suffering they saw day in and day out that it ceased to trigger their compassionate mind. Furthermore, they are too often exposed to great human sufferings that somehow, they unintentionally minimise the pain other people feel. So a patient who comes to the clinic for a minor back pain is treated plainly (as if he shouldn’t have come for a check-up) and perfunctorily, especially when another patient comes in for a pain caused by cancer treatments.

Nonetheless, our routines should not be the reason for us to become less and less compassionate. Like that of physical and mental, compassion fatigue is something that we can address effectively, and get over with. Compassion is no doubt one of the best gifts we, humans, were endowed with. Therefore, we should treasure it more than anything else. Compassion does not only bring us happiness, it brings us love, peace and satisfaction. There’s something too magical with compassion that just by a simple random act of kindness, we can get goose bumps and we feel elated. Whether you are a healthcare provider or not – you can consistently maintain your compassion for others. Below are some helpful tips to try.

Effectively deal with your own problems first. When we are overwhelmed with problems, we find it hard to focus our attention to someone else. It is important that you deal with your issues first before you proceed to helping others. If you are anxious, sad, depressed or preoccupied, you won’t have enough energy and enthusiasm to reach out to other people and lend a hand.

Strive for balance. When there’s imbalance in our life, we end up losing control of everything, which gives us feelings of helplessness. And if you are constantly bombarded with a lot of tasks, noticing someone else’ pain becomes harder.

Stop labelling other people. One habit many people are into is labelling. Most of us are fond of labelling things, situations, and even individuals. So he was just a delivery man. So she was just a waitress. But that person we label as such could be a mother or father too, or a child who is going through a difficult time in their life. When we are able to see pass through the surface, we are able to empathise.

Listen to their stories. We cry, laugh or get scared with movies. That’s because stories move us. That person complaining of minor back pain may not just be dealing it, he could be going through more agonising problems at home or at work that aggravate his condition. Take time to listen to someone else’s story. You may be surprised of how it could make you feel more connected to that person.

Being compassionate comes with challenges too. And even for those of us who fight every day to maintain our compassion, it’s an all-too-easy battle to lose. So always pause and make a quick assessment. Is it starting to get hurt? Do you start to feel less compassionate? If the answer is yes, go ahead and consider the above tips to relive your compassionate mind.