What to Do When Someone You Love is Chronically Ill
Most of us are very much willing to do everything for the ones we love who are chronically ill, even if that means giving up our job, shifting career, leaving home, and making all sorts of sacrifices. When someone in the family gets sick, we all feel the need to do something – setting aside our personal problems to give them the care and support they need.
Caregiving can be a rewarding experience. For instance, the spouse who is caring for the ill person may feel happy to take responsibility of the feeding, bathing, and taking his or her loved one to doctor appointments, thinking that if the same thing happened to them, their spouse would gladly oblige. Nevertheless, the demands of caregiving can be overwhelming. Caregivers possess the skills and traits that are greatly admirable, such as patience, loyalty and nurturing care. But nobody, even the most patient, loyal or caring person in the world, is immune to the effects of stress and burnout. The stress of caregiving, if unchecked, can take a toll on our health, relationship and state of mind and eventually make us chronically ill too.
Caregiver burnout is real and happening
Experts defined ‘caregiver burnout’ as the state of physical and emotional exhaustion resulting from one-sided nature of caring for someone who is chronically ill. Whilst the person who is sick does not intend to burden the caregiver, who could be their spouse, child, or a health professional, the inability to take care of themselves creates that one-sided dynamic.
When someone in the family is sick, the main focus of attention is usually the ill person. And often, the caregiver’s need for care and support is ignored. Many people would think less of what a caregiver goes through, and what stressors he or she experiences. What they don’t know is that these people, aside from the difficulties associated with caregiving, are also vulnerable to a host of stress-causing factors like household disruption, financial pressure, changes in the family and the added responsibilities and workload.
For these reasons, caregiver burnout is both physically and mentally damaging. What’s more, it is often a long-term challenge. If your spouse is suffering from a chronic illness, you can expect to see yourself spending years assisting him or her. Whilst it gives you peace of mind and gladness, at some points you will feel exhausted and deeply overwhelmed.
Whether the stress of taking care of someone who is chronically ill comes from the physical or emotional caregiving experience, the strong attachment to that person, or the shear guilt of not wanting to be responsible, it all causes similar effects to our health and well-being. And don’t forget its financial cost. Whether you are hiring someone to overlook your ill family member or you are the one directly giving the care, it is both time-consuming and expensive.
Symptoms to watch out
Many people don’t acknowledge the symptoms of caregiver burnout they experience because doing so makes them feel guilty as they feel obliged to take care of their sick loved one. However, we should all remember that as human beings, we are all prone to the impact of stress. At the same time, we are not immune from experiencing negative emotions like anxiety, frustration and anger. Identifying and acknowledging the signs and symptoms of caregiver stress is the first step towards dealing with it.
Caregivers who suffer from burnout usually report feeling anxious, irritable, depressed, tired and lacking in energy. They also tend to suffer from sleep problems, constant exhaustion, lack of interest, feelings of hopelessness and substance abuse. Due to these, caregivers suffering from chronic burnout or stress suffer from poor immunity, which in turn makes them more prone to colds, infections and other diseases.
When a caregiver could no longer cope with the symptoms of burnout, they end up withdrawing their care and support to the ill person. This doesn’t give them freedom from the burden because often, the next difficult undertaking they deal with is guilt.
Tips to combat caregiver stress and burnout
Taking all the responsibilities of caring for your love done who is chronically ill without taking breaks and looking after your own well-being is a sure-fire way to experience burnout. And the moment you do, you become both an ineffective caregiver and a distraught individual.
Ask for help
The first and most important thing to do is to ask for help. Speak up. Let your friends and family know what you are going through. Just having someone to talk to can lighten up the burden you feel inside. Raise your issues to other people concerned. For instance, if you’re the one taking care of your sick parent, talk to your other siblings (if you have) or relatives and tap them for additional support. Even someone who lives far away can help. Try to divide the caregiving tasks. Delegate them as needed. For example, one person can take care of the medical needs; the other can take charge of the finances and bills, and another with groceries and errands. When someone offers assistance, be happy and accept it. Don’t be shy about accepting help.
Consider finding a support group or network. You may be surprised of knowing how many people are in the same situation as you. Openly share your feelings with others. It’s always good to hear things from an outside perspective, especially from someone not directly involved in your situation. It really can give you relief. Furthermore, talk to a mental health professional. You can learn a lot of coping strategies from a trained therapist. Therapy can transform your life.
Have a break
For most caregivers, leisure may seem like a luxury. But you just don’t deserve it, you need it very much. Taking a break may just be what you are looking for to get back on track and feel renewed. Allow yourself to rest. Schedule time for relaxation and leisure every day. It doesn’t have to take long hours if time is your issue. A 30-minute midday nap, a 30-minute daily exercise routine, or a few minutes doing your craft is one way to keep your balance and lessen the stress that you feel.
Allow yourself to laugh. Laughter is an excellent antidote to stress. Watch a funny video, read a comic book, or call a friend who makes you laugh. Try to find humour in everyday situations whenever you can. Caregiving is a serious task. Give time for play and laughter.
Love yourself
Be sure to get enough sleep, maintain a healthy diet and get some sort of exercise each day. Look after yourself like you do for that person you love. And NEVER feel guilty of it. Remember, if you become ill, the more you can’t take care of that person. Make room for quietness. Consider practising meditation and yoga. Stay involved in hobbies or other interests. Acknowledge the fact that caregiving can be very stressful and physically, emotionally and mentally demanding. And the only way to protect yourself from these debilitating consequences is to love yourself, very much.
Caring for a person who is chronically ill is both rewarding and overwhelming. If you don’t look after your well-being, you won’t be able to carry out your tasks and responsibilities properly. This affects you and the person you are taking care of. The key is to find your balance by asking for help, taking a break, and loving yourself more.
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