What to Do When Someone You Love has ADHD

Amy Taylor February 26, 2014

Last time, we talked about how to support someone with depression. And like depression, ADHD is often a misunderstood mental health problem. For instance, many people think that only children can have ADHD, and it is an academic problem or an issue with focusing. But according to Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, ADHD is a problem with executive functioning, which refers to many cognitive processes that we use to move us toward a goal.” This includes everything from prioritising to decision-making, organising and time management.

By the age of 25, an estimated 15% of people diagnosed with childhood ADHD still have a full range of symptoms, and 65% still have some symptoms that affect their daily lives, according to the NHS. Worse, symptoms of ADHD in adults are more difficult to recognise.

If you are confused or clueless on how to support someone who has ADHD, the following suggestions may help:

Be informed.

Education is the key. If you know what ADHD is and how it affects a person’s life, you are in a better position to support a loved one who has this condition. Ways to get informed include reading books on ADHD, joining webinars, attending conferences, joining a support group, and consulting a professional therapist. You may also try to ask your loved one about the daily challenges they are having and what having ADHD is like for them.

Reach out.

Terry Matlen, MSW, ACSW, a psychotherapist and ADHD coach and author of Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD, suggest asking the person what they need. Sometimes this might be “lending a hand or just being an empathetic friend.” It can be tremendously helpful for an adult with ADHD to share their frustrations”, she said.

Don’t be judgemental.

People with ADHD may be more sensitive to being judged, most probably because they’ve had numerous experiences wherein they have been judged. Don’t add to their burden. Don’t call them ‘weird’, ‘inferior’, ‘odd’, or ‘strange’, anything like that, as it could further aggravate their feelings. Matlen also suggests avoiding ‘toxic help’. This is offering help, lending a hand, but demoralising the person in the process.

Remind them of their strengths.

Low self-esteem is common among people with ADHD. One way to cheer them up and increase their self-esteem is to let them realise that despite their shortcomings, they have skills, talents and strengths that they can be proud of. You may tell your loved one “I understand that you are having problems keeping your space clean and organised. But there’s more to you more than that. I personally admire your talent and skills. You are such a good (writer, cook, architect, etc.)”

Be with them.

If possible, be with that person when he or she is having a hard time accomplishing certain tasks. Offer to stay with them as they work on these tasks. You can be their strong source of support to keep going, no matter how hard things may be.

Encourage them to seek therapy.

Your loved one who has ADHD can learn a lot of self-help strategies from a professional therapist who specialises in such condition. Once he or she agreed to undergo therapy, you can show your support by driving him/her to the therapist’s office, asking how he/she’s feeling after the session, and being there to listen.

There are several things you can do to support a loved one who has ADHD. These include learning as much as you need to about it, reaching out with empathy, avoiding being judgemental, reminding them with their strengths, being present when they need you, and encouraging them to seek therapy.