What Makes a Successful Couple?

Amy Taylor November 11, 2013

What kind of romantic partner are you? If you want to increase the odds of having a successful relationship, answering this question is necessary.

3 Types of Romantic Partners

According to Adam Grant, the author of “Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success”, people fall into three different categories. Although his book was primarily for a business audience, it also provides useful insights for romantic relationships. Check under what category you fall into:

Givers – these are people whose primary motivation is to take care of others. In romantic relationships, givers always take their partner’s interest into consideration. In short, they think of the other person’s welfare first before they look after themselves. In his Book, Grant pointed out that people love being surrounded by givers because these individuals are always happy to contribute and think of others. But givers do have drawbacks as well. For instance, if they feel unhappy about their relationship, they tend to blame themselves. In times of relationship setbacks, givers may feel that they are not lovable or good enough despite all their efforts, so they end up feeling exhausted and burned out.

Matchers – these are people who, when they give something to the relationship, expect something in return. And when they receive something, they feel the urge to give back. Matchers view a romantic relationship like a commercial transaction – for every favour, there is something to be repaid.

Takers – these people only treat others well only when they know they could help them reach their goals. According to Grant, takers are the most charming and charismatic people but deep within, their main motive is self-interest. In romantic relationships, once takers have gotten what they want from a person, they tend to ignore him or her.

Who among these romantic partners are likely to succeed? Well, it is the givers. A study which examined the trait most valued by people in romantic relationships found that both men and women rate kindness as one of their most desired traits. Givers are also more likely to be affectionate – a trait that is essential to the long-term success of a relationship. According to Grant, people love givers, trusts them, and supports them when they are in need. However, givers also have the tendency to become least successful because others often take advantage of them.

How to achieve relationship success

Be more of a giver with awareness. Don’t be flown away by first-impressions. Take time to navigate and explore what kind of person your potential partner is. Is he a giver, a matcher or a taker? Watch their words and actions and you will easily identify who is who. Now what if you are not a giver? You can actually learn to become one. For a romantic relationship to be successful, both partners should be giving in different ways. You must be willing to support each other’s endeavours without expecting something in return. Learn to adapt the positive attributes of matchers and takers to keep the balance in your relationship.