Toxic Relationship Habits You May Not Know

Sharon Moore January 26, 2015

Humans are ‘social beings’. We can’t survive on our own. We depend on others to live and make our life more meaningful. And because social interaction is central to our life, it is only proper that we strongly value our relationships with other people, and not take it for granted. Whether it’s with our partner, parents, siblings, children, friends or colleagues – it is important that we invest on keeping our social relationships healthy and thriving.

But sometimes, despite our efforts, we still go through relationship problems. They are normal and are often bound to strengthen our bond with certain people. But if they happen to often, these challenges can cause more harm than good.

Most relationship issues can stem from habits and behaviours that we think are right, but unfortunately, are wrong and unhealthy. Below are some of the most common. We should make an effort to eliminate them and replace them with more positive relationship habits.

Setting aside your needs, wants and goals for your partner’s.

Of course, you want to show to your partner that you will do everything to make him/her happy. You are willing to make sacrifices because this person means a lot to you. But loving isn’t all about making sacrifices. And most of all, it is not about giving up your personal happiness. Whilst the sentiment is lovely, if you constantly set aside your needs, you end up feeling burned out. It’s hard to keep sacrificing for too long. You don’t have to put yourself last. Your partner will still know you love them without having to set aside your personal happiness and goals in life.

Not speaking and saying what you want.

Actions speaks louder than words, so they say. It is a common habit for many couples to give out hints rather than say what it is they want. But what’s pretty obvious for you may not be for someone else. Your partner may find it hard to connect and realise things you think are self-evident. It would be better if you can just say it directly, rather than letting them guess it.

Keeping scores on the other’s mistakes and wrongdoings.

Okay, you didn’t make it to your friend’s party. But she did the same thing with you before, not just once but two times! So they really don’t have the right to get mad at you. But in keeping social relationships strong and healthy, “an eye for an eye” should not be your mantra. There’s really no point of digging to the past just to make your point. A simple ‘sorry’ will do a long way.

Letting the other person ‘win’ to avoid further discussions.

“Fine, you’re right”. Sometimes, this phrase ends an argument. But not the resentment. Conflicts are not resolved by determining who is right and who got wrong, who wins and who lose. They are solved by two people separating their emotions from the situation, and talking over it like grown-ups do.

Keeping all the hurts and disappointment inside you.

Are you the type of person who will rather take a walk outside than sit with another person and discuss the problem at hand? Do you just let things pass without blurting out your concern or telling the other that you are affected, frustrated or disappointed? Maybe you don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings. That’s really a nice thing to do. But it is a toxic habit that can sabotage your relationship. The more you keep those hurts inside, the more they get stronger and the moment they explode, they explode like a bomb. It is better to talk things out, express your emotions in the right way, and be honest about how you feel.

If you don’t have any of these toxic relationship habits, smile and be proud. You’re in the right track. But if you relate to any of these, it’s time to make a change. Don’t feel bad or pressured. Changing habits take time, and effort too. But its starts with realising the need change.