Things to Avoid Saying to People with Mental Illness

Amy Taylor April 30, 2013

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When it comes to mental illness, most people tend to say the meanest things, even if they don’t really ‘mean’ it. Whilst it may sound casual and neutral, a single statement could deeply a hurt a person who has mental illness. Even caregivers and healthcare providers can be insensitive sometimes.

Effectively dealing with a person who has mental illness begins by understanding what he or she is going through. Many people view mental illness so negatively, often interchanging such term with the word “insanity”. This is absolutely wrong. Although there are cases when a person with mental disorder reaches a point when he or she loses sanity (in psychosis for instance), not all mental illnesses refer to insanity. In many cases, people with mental illness simply have problems addressing their emotional issues and taking control of them. 

What makes an insensitive remark? According to Ryan Howes, a clinical psychologist, a statement becomes insensitive for a person with mental illness when it implies that his or her condition is a sign of emotional weakness. Here are some things to avoid saying to people with mental illness:

“Change your attitude.”

People with mental illness, such as those who have anxiety disorder and depression have problems changing their thoughts, which means it could be far harder to change their behaviour.

“Keep yourself busy.”

Ignoring the problem is not going to help, just as taking painkillers alone would not eliminate the cause of pain. According to Howes, distractions won’t work for people with significant mental illness. After engaging with various forms of diversions, they will still be faced with the same issue at the end of the day. Dealing with the problem rather than avoiding it is the proper thing to do.

“Do you want to get better?”

No ill person would want to stay sick forever. Whether it’s a physical or mental condition, people who are ill have a fervent need to get better. The problem for mental health patients however, is that their condition often gives them a sense of ‘hopelessness’. Dealing with an emotional problem is like fighting with an invisible enemy – you never know when and where it’s going to hit you.

“Stop looking at the dark side, and just start living”.

Many people often make a mistake of advising mentally ill people to stop focusing on themselves and on the negative side of life, and simply start living. This approach will more likely make them feel worse about their condition. They will just be reminded that something is wrong in them, which in turn promotes a feeling of hopelessness.

“You have everything you need to get better”.

Saying this to mentally ill people is like saying they are not doing good enough to improve their condition. According to Therese Borchard, author of “Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes”, this statement may not even be accurate because sometimes, people don’t have everything they need to improve. Hence, they may need little assistance.

“You can get through it, everyone feels this way sometimes.”

It is true that everyone gets sad, worried and anxious at times. But it’s different with people having mental health problems, like in the case of depression. This mental illness is defined as “persistent” feelings of sadness which are already affecting a person’s everyday life, including his or her work and personal relationships. A mental illness is not something that can be fixed overnight. It requires social support and guidance from a professional therapist.

“Why can’t you work?”

This statement could deeply hurt a person who is already emotionally wounded. It’s as if they are being told lazy or just making excuses not to work. For people who never had a mental illness, it can be really hard to understand why some people can’t just carry on with their life when confronted with emotional issues. It can be helpful to perceive mental illness like a medical condition that is physically painful and energy-draining that getting up from bed could be very tormenting. Mental illness may seem not so serious like a medical problem but its effects could be even more debilitating.

“You have the same illness as my ______”

No two mentally ill individuals are exactly similar even if they have been diagnosed with the same condition. Comparing them to others, especially those who have not been successful in dealing with their condition will only discourage patients from helping themselves recover. They may even become more upset, and may choose to refuse treatments.

“There are a lot of things you should be thankful for.”

Mentally ill people often have troubles forming positive thoughts. So even if they try harder, they might find it difficult to appreciate even the little things that can make them happy. Through therapy however, and with the support of their friends and family, people with mental health disorders can learn the art of positive thinking and adopt it in their daily life.

“We all have our crosses to bear.”

As mentioned, mental illness is not just a simple problem that can be fixed overnight. Dealing with the usual day-to-day challenges, such as meeting other people, making decisions, etc., may be tougher for mentally ill individuals than it is for their mentally healthy peers. Therefore, it would be improper to compare a person without mental health issue with someone who has.

The stigma of mental illness has become very pervasive in the past years. Coupled with the lack of understanding, many people often say things that leave patients feeling devastated and unable to cope with their illness. By being sensitive to what these people may feel, everyone can help mentally ill individuals overcome their condition and improve their quality of life.