Therapeutic Intervention and Motivation

Graham Landi, Counselling, Hypnotherapy and NLP in Maidstone March 16, 2013

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To the professional therapist there are three letters that induce frustration and not a little misery, DNA. Rather than the version which represents the fundamental characteristics of each human being, these letters stand for “Did Not Arrive”. This is the way we describe a situation when a client doesn’t show up for an appointment, sometimes the first one. This happened to me today so I had some spare time to write to you about it.

The underlying reason for any therapeutic intervention is change, and often changes are difficult. If we have a physical problem we usually go to someone trained to fix it, and if we don’t it is rarely because we enjoy the discomfort, it is normally due to some cognitive anxiety we have about the situation, ie “it might be serious”, “I could die”, “the treatment might hurt” or “I might have to take my trousers off in front of a woman”. The problem with seeking behavioural or emotional change is that there is no physical problem constantly urging you to seek help. If you’re having a particularly bad day you might finally pick up the phone to make an appointment to seek help, but if your appointment is three days later and you’re having a better day then you may well not bother to show up, believing that you can fix things yourself or that life isn’t too bad after all. That’s all great, if its the truth.

It’s not just at the start of work that people falter, they sometimes stop after good progress has been made, so what on earth is that all about? There are two broad reasons. The first is that they feel a bit better and believe they are recovered, and the second is that the hill they had started climbing when they first walked through the door to seek help has suddenly turned into a sheer cliff face (with them at the bottom staring up) as they find themselves turning through all manner of difficult feelings and emotions that they has previously put into a strong box with a very tight fitting lid. In other words, it all becomes enough, or too much.

I often ponder on the reason that we have so much difficulty in asking for support to make the changes we want, the ones that we have decided are necessary to make our lives more rewarding and rich. However many times I turn it over I come back to the same answer. We still seem wedded to the notion that being self sufficient is both a reasonable and desirable state, and we seem to feel that asking for help and support is an unforgivable sign of weakness. It’s sad and untrue.

The reality is that making change is often quite easy, but it frequently requires the perspective of someone else to help you see things clearly in yourself and find the path to your own freedom. It also requires motivation and the willingness to take control, which can feel quite a responsibility even when it is the control of our own life that we need to assume.

For a successful change we need two things. Firstly we must regard change as necessary. The second thing is to know that we can make that change, not someone else, us, and ourselves. That doesn’t mean we can’t have help to do so, but it means we must assume responsibility. These two elements are what underpin motivation and deter DNA (if you have only just joined us this is a term we use for clients who make appointments and don’t show up). If one or other is missing, motivation is undermined and we are able to convince ourselves that change is either not needed or not possible.

As much as it is frustrating when someone doesn’t turn up it is also sad. That’s another day another unique human has to go on carrying a heavy bag, when it could have been the day to put it down, and rest.

I have probably written this before in these pages but I like the quote which says “everyone can benefit from therapy, but most of us don’t need very much”. We need to start seeing investment in ourselves and our happiness and growth as the ultimate show of strength rather than a sign of weakness. We do our best work when we are happy and our challenge as adults is to take responsibility for ourselves. Only then can we show our true value to ourselves those that we love.