The Secret to Building Healthy Relationship with Yourself
How do you build a healthy relationship with yourself? Perhaps the best way to answer this question is to ask again – how do you build a healthy relationship with others? Because a healthy relationship with oneself requires the same things needed to build a healthy relationship with other people – our partner, kids, parents and friends.
The sad truth is that most of us are too busy trying to improve their relationship with others that they already forgot how to establish a deep connection with their inner selves. This does not only lead to unhappiness but also leads to reduced sense of self-worth.
If you think you are not having a good relationship with yourself, now is the time that you do something about it. Just like what they say, you can’t give what you don’t have. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t be successful loving others wholeheartedly.
Consider these simple tips and do your best to incorporate them in your daily life. Once they have become part of your habit, you will be surprised to experience the big difference.
Have fun.
A lot of us feel guilty of having fun and experiencing pleasure. Don’t be. Every day, you spend about 90 per cent of your time doing other people a favour – working like a dog to support your family, pay your bills, etc. What’s wrong about having a few minutes or hours having pure fun? Try to include pleasure in your day as much as possible. This can be anything from listening to your favourite playlist whilst working, reciting a poem or quote that motivates you, taking a short walk to breathe some fresh air, cuddling with your pet, or calling up a friend to say “hello”. Give time for relaxation. You need it to maintain your energy levels and prepare yourself for more challenging activities throughout the day.
Listen to yourself.
Communication is vital to any kind of relationship, and it involves listening. Just as you listen to your partner, parent or child to understand what they need or how they feel, you also want to listen carefully to yourself. What’s a few minutes daily to listen to your inner self? It’s not simply about doing nothing. It’s tuning in to yourself, paying attention to what you feel, the thoughts that come and go, and the emotions you are experiencing. One effective way to listen to your inner self is to practise mindfulness. For about 10 to 15 minutes, give your full attention to the sensations your body feels and to your breathing. What part of your body do you feel is more tensed? Slowly relieve that tension by breathing in and out deeply.
Listening to yourself also includes knowing the things you specifically want and need. Ask yourself – Is what you are doing now something that gives you happiness? Are you happy with what you are and where you are now? What else can make you feel happier and satisfied in life? What are the things that matter most to you? What are your long-term goals? What are the values you uphold? If you are able to answer these questions with ease, that means you are giving time to listen to yourself.
Kindness starts within you.
It’s not every day that we feel we are kind. But then in most instances we try to be kind and nice to maintain a good relationship with others, particularly the people we value the most. So why can’t we be kind to ourselves? Sometimes, we really are our own harshest critics. Whilst this motivates us to do better, being too harsh on ourselves does more harm than good. For a happier, more fulfilling life, kindness should start within. Be your own best friend. Learn how to cheer yourself up when you are feeling down. This could be anything from a tap on your shoulder or a gentle, loving touch on your cheek.
Appreciate.
For every criticism you throw at yourself, think of three positive things that your body has done for you. Practising gratitude is one key to happiness and satisfaction. Even if you have everything you could ask for, if you are not grateful for them, nothing will ever be enough. Appreciate more and complain less. Be thankful that you have a body – you have a life to live. Be thankful for your eyes as they are able to see the beauty of the world. Be thankful for your arms as they make your daily life easier. Be thankful to your feet for taking you to where you want to go. Be thankful to your heart for supplying your whole system the lifeblood it needs to survive. When you are able to appreciate yourself, you become more capable of loving yourself even better.
Like any other healthy relationship, a healthy relationship with your body is one that is built on respect, trust, honesty, kindness and good communication. The golden rule is not to do to yourself what you won’t ever try to do to the people you care about the most. Feel that love glowing inside you. The more you have it, the more you can give.
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