The Reality about Marriage: Is it All There Is?

Amy Taylor May 04, 2013

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Not so long ago, researchers at Michigan State University found that married people are generally happier than those who are not married. But ask the married couples you know what it’s like to be tied in the knot and they’re most likely to tell you “Well dear, it’s not easy”.

A Perfect Marriage – What’s wrong with it?

Before the wedding, many couples are usually carried away with the flattery of the moment – the unending fantasies of the married life, the thoughts of raising children and growing old together. These fantasies are so vivid that they get so much excited to finally wear that ring and begin their own story, a story they have always compared to a fairy tale.

There’s really nothing wrong with fantasising a “happy ever after” relationship. These powerful thoughts drive people to hope for the best and strive hard to achieve it. They give couples a reason to work out their relationship, settle problems as soon as possible, and overcome the grips of marriage.  

The problem with too much fantasising however is this: when couples expect that their fantasies will turn into reality, they get disappointed in the end when these expectations are not met. If these fantasies are not materialised, a good, happy and functioning relationship can seem too tormenting and disappointing. Moreover, too much expectation can also untie the knot. Some people tend to cheat on their spouses because of their intense desire to find the unrealistic fantasy that they’ve always dreamed of, only to realise that it’s not going to happen no matter how many times they change a partner.

Realistic and Negative Relationship – Where you at?

What makes a healthy marriage appear unhealthy is the belief that it should be perfect. But there’s no such thing as “perfect marriage”, just as there are no “perfect” people. Marriage is one of the most rewarding experiences that anyone could have, but it takes great effort from two devoted people to grow and prosper. Even the couples who have been together for twenty, forty or fifty years have also gone through the bad times as they have gone through the good times. Maybe you have known married couples who are living a “perfect” relationship. You see their photos on Instagram or Facebook – holding hands, displaying affection like it was their first date. But you don’t get to see what goes on 24 hours, 7 days a week to assume that they have never come into grips with marriage.

The lack of positivity hinders couples from appreciating the uniqueness and awesomeness of their own love story. Instead, they only remember the quarrels and misunderstandings in their relationships. What they fail to understand is that part of any relationship, married or not married, is learning to accept that things won’t always be exciting, positive and romantic. But just because negative experiences are part of a realistic and good relationship doesn’t mean they should dominate your entire married life. When you’re experiencing negativity more than positivity, it’s time that you deal with the issue seriously, either by yourself or with the help of a therapist. 

Do you think counselling is an effective therapy to help couples deal with marriage problems? What other tips or advice can you suggest to those who are experiencing more negativity than positivity in their married life?