The Incredible Importance of a Relationship Security

Lisa Franchi March 15, 2013

Even long-term couples experience insecurity at times. But persistent feeling of insecurity can spoil a relationship, make people become ‘too clingy’ and dissatisfied with their love life.

Decades of research have shown that children who experienced strong emotional attachment to their parents are well-motivated to explore the world and face new adventures. But the need to feel emotionally attached does not end in childhood. It is a continuous process that is critical in all stages of life. Studies reveal that adults who know they have someone to depend on have higher levels of happiness, and are more likely to seek adventures and thrills in life.

Excitement is what ‘sizzles’ a relationship. Many couples try to make their relationships more exciting by travelling, trying new things together, and so on. But perhaps, there’s a need to focus more on strengthening their relationship and making it more secured. Excitement and satisfaction follows.

Relationship is a ‘security’ issue

People who are in intimate relationships can become very emotionally vulnerable, especially if they have been seriously hurt in the past. And that’s normal. However, it can lead to chronic insecurity. And this is where big problems start.

Emotional anxiety triggers people to look for signs that something is going wrong. When it comes to relationship, even simple matters could become huge troubles. Anxiety makes some people believe that they can be neglected and abandoned anytime by their partners. For instance, an insecure woman might think that his partner no longer wants her because he came late for their date. Since she has gone suspicious, she starts worrying and crafting ‘theories’ that aggravate her anxiety. She may also start blaming herself for the problems she thinks are present. Anxiety makes some people believe that they can be neglected and abandoned anytime by their partners for reasons that sometimes don’t even exist at all.

Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships

Insecurity can be a serious problem, really. But everyone can successfully do away from it. Here’s how:

Don’t overthink. Many people who are in romantic relationships tend to think of situations and events that are far from reality. They aggravate their insecurity by making ‘imaginary’ problems. As a result, they get more scared which then affect their relationships and well-being.

Stop reading minds. Many times, mind guessing can be a harmful endeavor. Mind reading is when a person assumes he knows what the other is thinking when in fact, he doesn’t. Trying to make conclusions just by looking at someone’s gestures and facial expressions can lead to bigger problems.

Become less controlling. There are individuals who, without them knowing, tend to become very much controlling in their relationships. These people are in a constant chase for assurance. They want to be told from time to time that they are loved and accepted. In short, they desire for certainty. But the thing is – uncertainties are an inevitable part of life. The sheer want for assurance or guarantee can lead to emotional distress and discontent. Love is something to be shared in the here and now. No one can predict the future, no one can be certain.

In every relationship, a little bit of space is necessary. Everyone has an innate need to develop and become a better person. But no one can provide everything to his or her partner, no matter how hard they try. For love to bloom, it needs some space.

Focus on the positive side. It is important for couples to give more emphasis on the goodness of their relationship, rather than constantly asking for more. Appreciating every little thing each one does for the other is the first big step to finding security in their relationship.

Dear Readers,

Do you think feeling secure in their relationship makes couples happy and contented with each other? What else do you think are critical to a long-lasting relationships?

Share your comments below!