The Best Gift You Can Give Your Partner

Lisa Franchi March 03, 2014

Your spouse came home with a big smile on her face and excitedly told you that she has been offered with a promotion, but to another country. Do you quit your job to move with her and start a new life? Even if that means quitting your own job that you’ve worked so hard to get?

When we are deeply in love, there’s only one thing we want to do – make him or her happy. Even if that means sacrificing our own happiness, letting go of our dreams, and denying ourselves pleasure and comfort. We call it self-sacrifice.

And a lot of people think that this is the best gift they can give to their partner. They think that if they prioritise the happiness of their significant other, this will keep their relationship strong.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t.

Well, don’t get it wrong. Sacrifice is crucial to the success of a relationship. Close relationships require sacrifice – a lot of it. In fact, research has shown that couples are happier and more likely to remain in their relationships if the partners are willing to sacrifice for each other. Sometimes, sacrifice can be life-changing. It can spark positive changes that will take your relationship to the next level. But other times, it can be a very unbearable task that makes you feel helpless and broken inside.

Sacrifice also raises questions of power. For instance, if you have been making a lot of sacrifices for your partner but he or she is not reciprocating, you may find yourself caught up in despair and ready to give up or give in. The imbalance in sacrifices you make for each other could over time lead to unhappiness and resentment.

Many people believe that it is a selfish or an uncaring act to be happy when their significant other is not.

But the truth is that your own happiness is a major factor for your happiness. It’s like self-love. If you don’t have it, you can’t share it. If you are not happy, you will find it hard to make your spouse happy as well.

Your happiness – the greatest gift you can give

Your happiness is perhaps the best present you can give to your spouse. Just like you, he or she also wants you to be happy. So it’s a win-win situation. By investing on your own happiness, you are making yourself less needy and dependent on others. Bu if you don’t take care of your well-being, it will reflect on your actions and it will burden others, especially your partner and your kids. While your spouse’s happiness contributes to your own, you alone are responsible for your happiness.

Most of us enter marriage because of the desire to have our personal needs met – the need for attention, companionship, love, acceptance, intimacy, and so on. But if you think of marriage that way, you are more likely to become needy and dependent on your partner, which is not good for your mental health and well-being.

By taking full responsibility of our own happiness, we can take our relationship to the next level. This of course is easier said than done. Changing our perceptions about marriage is not easy and it requires huge effort. But once you get through that point, you will realise it’s really worth the hard work.