Teaching Others through Humiliation Is Not the Answer

Amy Taylor April 23, 2013

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Humiliation comes in different forms and it happens to different people in different places – homes, schools and workplaces. Many people believe that public humiliation is the best teacher. It’s true. It is indeed the best teacher – teacher of self-devastating lessons.

The Agonising Lessons Brought by Humiliation

The lesson a person can get from being humiliated is too far from what he or she is supposed to learn. Scolding an employee in front of his colleagues, saying awful things about a child to friends and relatives when she’s right there listening, or making a male student wear wig and dress in class as a punishment for misbehaving are only going to teach these people one thing: there is no such thing as ‘self-respect’. Many people underestimate the damage humiliation can cause to others, especially to children. There is no wonder why a lot of them grow with poor personality and behavioural problems, including suicidal tendencies.

People who experience humiliation learn some of the worst lessons in life:

Success is just a dream – Humiliation ruins a person’s self-worth and self-belief. People who lack confidence may find it difficult to succeed in life. It is because they are overwhelmed with the thoughts that they can’t do it, they don’t know how, and there’s no way they can succeed in doing it.

There’s harm in trying – due to lack of confidence, some people choose to stick around to the ‘tried and tested’. They are afraid to take risks and leave their comfort zones, depriving themselves from exploring their true potential.

There’s no bright side – people who have been emotionally hurt by humiliation tend to develop negative thinking. They don’t seem to appreciate themselves, their skills and talents. They don’t see anything good about themselves. They think they are ‘bound to fail’.

Humiliating punishments are emotionally abusive. Children who habitually receive shame and humiliation from their parents tend to feel that they are unloved, unappreciated and worthless. They believe that ‘they are not good enough’. These devastating effects of humiliation are then carried by the child through adulthood. Worse, they are more likely to apply the same parenting style to their children. And the cycle continues.

The good thing is – it’s possible to overcome the tormenting effects of humiliation. People who have been exposed to it can reverse the lessons they’ve learned and achieve self-healing. Here are some important things to remind oneself whenever the thought of being humiliated becomes overwhelming:

Countering the Effects of Humiliation and Shame

Mistakes are part of human nature. Committing mistakes does not merit a capital punishment. People make mistakes, even those who are fond of humiliating others. Lamenting about having done a mistake is not going to make a person feel better. Instead of mulling over on what should have been done, it is much better to think about how to fix it or avoid doing the same mistake next time.

No one is perfect. No one is knowledgeable of anything and everything. The human mind has limitations too. It learns, it forgets. Not knowing something is not a sign of idiocy. It’s a sign of being human. Being imperfect creatures makes people yearn for knowledge. It makes life worth living.

Risks open the room for self-improvement. It’s true that there’s a potential danger in taking risks. But positive risk-taking opens the door to opportunities. People who stay in their comfort zone tend to miss a lot of things in life –fun, happiness and endless learning!

Challenges are risks that are worth-taking. Saying ‘no’ to challenges does not free a person from the tormenting effects of humiliation. Instead of succumbing to negative thoughts, the easiest way to heal the wounds brought by humiliation and shame is to take the challenge, do the hard work and learn from it. The discomfort is going to be temporary and its benefits are worth the pain.

It can be hard to recover from the emotional turmoil of being humiliated by others. It’s a threat to self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth. It makes people learn the worst things in life which discourage them from succeeding and chasing happiness. But the emotional pain that humiliation brings can be healed by no other person than the one who has suffered from it. They say it is the mind that controls emotions and behaviours. By accepting the fact that mistakes happen and no one is perfect, by taking positive risks and challenges, and by building a positive self-image, anyone can overcome the agonising effects of humiliation and live life in its fullest.

 

Dear Readers,

Have you ever been humiliated? How did it feel and how were you able to overcome its painful consequences? We’d love to share your thoughts.

Post a comment below.