Surviving Criticism: Top Survival Tips

Rebecca Lewis May 28, 2014

Criticism – we all try to avoid it. But it’s something we all experience from time to time. We get criticisms from our superiors at work, from our friends, companions, and even our loved ones. Whether we like it or not, we are constantly in situations where someone gives us negative feedback. It’s really painful hearing other people talk about our flaws even though we know what they are saying is true – especially when it feeds our insecurities.

Remember though, that not all criticisms are meant to break you. Criticism is a form of social communication. It’s like telling a friend, a family member or a colleague to improve themselves or try to be better. When perceived in a positive light, criticism can make your journey to success an easier one. It makes you pinpoint your shortcomings or areas of improvement. It allows you to identify your weaknesses, as well as your strengths.

Still, this doesn’t change the fact that criticism hurts. Don’t worry, there are several ways to cope with criticism and prevent it from letting you down or breaking your self-belief.

Trust yourself.

It all starts with trusting yourself. When you get in touch with your inner voice and your needs and wants, you are less likely to get affected by harsh criticisms.

Resist the urge to criticise back.

When someone criticises us, we tend to feel the need to fight back, reason out and throw the criticism back. That’s our ‘flight or fight’ system in action. It’s a human basic instinct to fight back when someone lash out on us. However, by doing this, you only end up looking as if the critical shoe fits you just fine. What’s more, it doesn’t provide a resolution to the issue. Rather, it makes the situation worse. For example, your partner complains that you’ve become too busy that you no longer have time for her, and you respond by telling her that she’s too clingy. That’s answering a criticism with criticism (also called tu quoque). Not only you are ignoring your partner’s observation and feelings, you are also fuelling an argument.

Know the ‘why’.

Try to understand where the criticism is coming from. A criticism from your boss could mean that you really need to improve your performance, or it could also be that he or she is simply a perfectionist. Remember, for some people, criticising others is the only way they can feel good about themselves. It could be helpful to ask the person why they think that way about you, so you would understand where they are coming from and whether their criticisms do have valid reasons.

Try to resolve a destructive criticism in a constructive way.

In constructive criticism, you focus on the behaviour, not the person, which is the case in destructive criticism. The latter is the destructive form of criticism that truly erodes relationships. In the study by University of Notre Dame scientists, psychologists Kristina Peterson and David Smith found that couples who expressed destructive criticism toward each other, as judged by observers, felt higher levels of perceived criticism than when their interactions showed higher levels of constructive criticism. In marriages, high levels of perceived criticism have been linked to mental health issues.

Criticism can be painful. However, it can also be a source of strength and self-improvement if we learn how to use, and hear, it in its most constructive forms.