Supporting a Loved through Trauma

Sharon Moore June 27, 2014

Tweet

When someone you love suffers from trauma, it can be distressing for you to see them that way and feel clueless of what to do and how to help them cope. It can also be overwhelming if you don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary respond to that person.

If you are wondering how you can help a loved one overcome a traumatic experience, here are some places to start:

Just listen. Your initial response is probably to give advice. But that isn’t always the right thing to do in situations like this. Active listening is one of the best tools in supporting people who have been through a traumatic experience. Active listening means devoting your time and attention in listening carefully, without judging, interrupting or making self-referencing comments. It is okay to ask questions from time to time – it just shows the other person that you are really listening and are interested to know their story.

Don’t judge. This is the worst thing you can do to a person who has suffered from a trauma. Try to help without implying to that person that he or she should or shouldn’t have done something, or that he/she did something wrong. Understand that your loved one could also be struggling with internal judgments about the trauma and his or her reaction to it.

Don’t rush healing. If you have never experienced trauma, it may be difficult for you to understand what it feels like, which may lead you to underestimate or overestimate things. Allow that person to grieve, feel the pain and rage. People work on these things differently. Some go through these for a period of time. Give them a few weeks and don’t label what they are going through as if it is an illness or some form of disability. If after a couple of months and the trauma is still affecting your loved one’s way of life, you may wish to speak with the person about finding some professional support. But make sure you do it in a non-judgmental way.

Take care of yourself. Lastly, take good care of yourself. You can’t support your loved one fully if you yourself are feeling distressed. Make it a habit to practise relaxation techniques on a daily basis. These may include deep breathing, yoga and meditation. Give yourself permission to do little things to nurture your mind, body and spirit. Just like anyone else, you are also prone to stress. If you feel it might be helpful, you might consider seeking professional support for your own needs and keep yourself grounded.

These tools are a place to start if you are looking to support a traumatised loved one. However, it is important to remember that being a support person is both a wonderful and difficult challenge. So make sure to give yourself the permission to struggle with it, to care for yourself and your needs during this time, and to seek your own support and care when you need it.