Still Single? 7 Possible Reasons Why
A lot of people out there remain single for reasons they are aware of. Some choose to be single because they are not yet ready for a relationship at this time in their life. But many people in their 30s who are still single often have troubles identifying why they are still single when the rest of their friends, relatives and colleagues are already making families of their own. This then leads to insecurity problems. Singles might think something is wrong about them, that they are unlikeable, lacking the right personality, etc.
If you are still single and you can’t figure out the reason why, take a look at these common reasons. By carefully assessing yourself, you can actually identify why.
1) You have unconsciously built a wall against romantic relationships.
Many people have negative experiences with interpersonal relationships. These lead them to develop a sense of bitterness and become defended – always hesitant to explore the world of romance, even friendship. Some people have been exposed to hurtful experiences that they have unconsciously built up walls to protect themselves from the possibility of being exposed to the same painful experiences again. For instance, if you grew up feeling abandoned, neglected or rejected by your parents or guardians, you may grow up feeling distrusting of affection. Instead of feeling comfortable, you may feel suspicious of another person’s interest in you and think that he or she will just take advantage of you. All these could prevent you from entering a romantic relationship.
2) You fear intimacy.
This reason is a caused by many other reasons. Fear of intimacy is highly intertwined with the fear of vulnerability or the fear of showing your true self. This could lead you to become afraid of sharing a deep relationship with someone else. For some people, the fear of intimacy may result from abandonment or engulfment (the fear of losing oneself to the relationship). Some experts classify fear of intimacy as a form or social phobia or social anxiety. People who are afraid of others also fear making intimate, personal connections.
3) You have low self-esteem.
A lot of singles have this problem. They believe they want a fulfilling relationship more than anything, but they also believe that no one would be interested in them. The thing is that we all have these “inner critical voices” that tell us we are ugly, we are not capable of loving or being loved, we are too old, there’s nothing about us that is interesting, and so on. This kind of thinking forces us to push others away and isolate ourselves from other people. Confidence is more important in a relationship than we realise. Confidence makes us believe that we are qualified to fall in love and be loved the way we wanted to.
4) You’re not yet ready for responsibilities.
All of us want the benefits of loving and being loved, but few want the responsibility. The moment you enter a romantic relationship, you stop caring only for yourself. You also consider your significant other’s feelings, wants and needs.
5) You fear competition.
Lack of self-esteem may lead to the fear of competing. But fear of competition can hinder you from giving your 100% to the relationship. For instance, upon entering a relationship, it could be easy to think that “he/she can do better”. So you may feel unwilling to compete. But as the years pass by, you may run into self-defeating thoughts like “My time has passed”, “I’m too old for this”, etc. Many people in love are afraid of competition, thinking that they will hurt the other person’s feelings. But as much as you want your partner to grow and succeed in his or her personal endeavours, you also want to make sure you are taking every shot there possibly is to achieve your own goals in life, so you don’t end up wondering “What if?” or “Only if…”.
6) You’re used to being alone.
A lot of people these days are very career-oriented. Well, we can’t blame them and you can’t blame yourself if you are one of them. We all have to earn for a living. We all have obligations to our families that we need to fulfil. Plus, the modern world has made us realised that everyone is capable of being successful – man or woman, young or old, rich or poor. A lot of us find it more comfortable to go home straight and crawl to bed in their pajamas after a hard day’s work, than go out and meet new people. A lot of us think “I’m fine on my own.” But the problem is – there will come a point in our life that we’ll realise “I’m all alone in this world”, “No one cares about me”, “I’ll be lonely for the rest of my life”, and so on.
7) You have so many dating/relationship rules and you stick to them.
There’s nothing wrong with setting standards. We all have the right to choose the person we think is capable of making us happy. But sometimes, our personal standards (or should we say criteria) aren’t actually applicable in real life. And if you make a rule based on your past (for instance, you promised not to date someone who earns more than you do), you are setting lots of limitations, and thus, preventing yourself from meeting potential partners. Staying open is one of the best things we can do when looking for a mate. Yes, loving is kind’ a risky. But it’s a risk that is definitely worth taking. When dating, allow yourself to get to know the person better by setting aside your personal criteria, expectations and judgement. This way, you will be able to get to know that person much deeper.
Just because you are single doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. As a matter of fact, many people enjoy living life on their own. But if being single is making you unhappy and lonely, maybe you want to start by knowing the real reason why. This way, you can think about the best ways to deal with your personal issues and be more open to loving someone completely.
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