Simple Strategies to Handle Angry People

Lisa Franchi August 30, 2013

How do you deal with people who seem upset, irritated or angry? If you’re like most people, you end up getting angry yourself. This, however, is not the best response to the situation. Read on to know the secrets of anger and how you can stay calm and unmoved even when you are surrounded by furious people.

Why do people get angry?

Every one of us gets angry once in a while. It is an emotional response that is part of our survival instinct. It activates our ‘fight or flight’ system which in turn prepares our mind and body against any threat. But when we are overwhelmed with anger, we tend to act without conscious thought. The level of cognitive impairment increases as our anger gets larger. As a result, we say or do things that we often regret in the end, after the emotional outrage has subsided.

This is why angry people rarely comprehend and accept explanations and solutions until their body returns to normal. So there is no point really to jive with their anger and be angry as well. If you remain calm, your mind and body will work together to arrive at the best possible solution and survival strategies. On average, it takes about 20 minutes before the body go back to normal after a ‘flight or fight’ mode. So the key is to disengage and let the anger vanish before coming up with a decision.

Here are some handy tips that can help you respond with anger and not be affected by other people’s ‘madness’.

Don’t take it personally. Even though their anger is directed at you, the driving force behind it is greatly influenced by their personal experiences, upbringing, personality, and the like.

Don’t fall into their bait of ego battles. If there’s something more painful than physical aggression, it’s the battle of ego. Most people, when they are angry, will focus their arguments on hurting your ego and pointing out your mistakes in the past. Drain their energy by letting them talk about their expired accusations. Avoid making counter attacks. You don’t have to prove anything.

Be calm and cool.

You can effectively resist the temptation of joining ego battles by staying calm. Practising breathing techniques can save you from emotional outburst and being angry yourself.

Respond with empathy.

Behind their loud shouting, screeching voices, pointing fingers, red faces, clenching fists and illogical reasoning is a sad person looking to be heard and understood. Listening and responding to their needs calmly and empathetically is one way to make them more cooperative and easier to deal with. Make use of empathic statements like “So you felt you have been ignored by one of our staff”, “I’m so sorry that this happened. Let me do all I can to help you fix the problem”, “"You must be feeling pretty frustrated...”, etc. This lets the person know that you understand his or her source of frustration.

Nudge their anger by being nice.

You may want to give them an imaginary cupcake – something that is peaceful, sweet, calming and smile-inducing. A little kindness is sometimes all you need to pacify an angry person, even though they seem to be undeserving of it.

These techniques are simple yet effective ways to handle difficult people. Don’t allow anyone to take control of your behaviour and emotion, and make you become someone you’re not. By staying calm and easy, you can stop unnecessary arguments and achieve better resolutions for conflicts.