Silence – The Unseen Relationship Wrecker

Amy Taylor January 16, 2014

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Whilst some couples fight through serious arguments (often shouting at each other and being aggressive), others show their resentment and bitterness by not saying anything at all. Sometimes it’s one person who stops talking. Sometimes it is both. However, few couples realise that silence does have lethal consequences to their relationship. And sometimes, it’s the enemy that wrecks a once-upon-a-time alive and burning intimacy.

Many times, walking away and not saying anything at all helps alleviate the tension and prevent a cruel fight. When we are angry and all, we tend to become unaware of what we say or do. We become unreasonable – not wanting to hear explanations. Sometimes, when we are overwhelmed with negative emotions, all we want to do is blame. So for some couples, choosing to be silent is a great remedy to serious conflicts. Once the tension has subside, chances are, the couple will find it easier to forgive each other and forget about the fight they just had.

But silent treatment is a different issue. Avoiding talking about the conflict and suppressing your feelings can lead to substantial resentment. You may experience loss of connection, and eventually, loss of love.

Silence indicates relationship difficulties

One study has found that minimum sharing of emotions and thoughts does not only negatively impact a person’s well-being, but also his or her physical health, and ultimately lead to heart attack or heart disease. According to the researchers, not sharing your emotions to your partner may cause troubles in your relationship. The lack of communication, triggered by either or both partners’ silent treatment towards the other, are visible in three stages of the relationship – physical (when the effect of cold war reaches the bedroom), mental (couple stops conversing with each other) and emotional (when they both become reluctant to support each other in distress).

Silent treatment harms both the partners in different ways. The person who is constantly at the receiving end of silent treatment may feel isolated, intimidated, insignificant and unloved. Other times, he or she may feel resentful, angry, or vengeful. On the other hand, the person who gives the silent treatment may feel emotionally tormented as he or she tries to suppress the emotions. Over time, both partners will become totally worn down.

If you are in a relationship wherein silent treatment is a common scenario, it is necessary that you act on it immediately. It is true what they say that the longer it goes on, the more difficult it is to deal with and eradicate. Dealing with a significant other who refuses to talk can be really challenging at times, but it is not impossible.

It can be a good strategy to allow your partner to carry on with his or her silence for a while. When both of you have calmed down, it is easier to talk and open up. But after the ‘cooling down’ period, you may want to initiate a talk. But don’t try to coax your partner into conversing with you. If he or she is not yet ready for it, simply move on with your day and refuse to dwell on their rudeness. Avoid being tempted to play with their games. When you talk to your significant other, use a normal delivery and tone of voice. Remember, two wrongs don’t make a right!

People who default to silence may think that talking is ‘useless’ because their partner won’t really listen. But this is a self-injurious belief. In this case, it is a great idea to seek help from a trained therapist.