Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Sharon Moore March 20, 2014

If you’ve ever been in a relationship that is stable and wonderful and you move to a relationship that is unhealthy, the signs can be easy to diagnose. But if unhealthy relationship is all you’ve ever known, they can be hard to spot.

Hope the following signs can help:

Taking each other for granted

One of the major signs of an unhealthy relationship is taking each other for granted. Expecting the other to clean the room, feed the dogs, do the laundry, and all sorts of house works – these little things can spark big conflicts in the relationship.

Wanting each other to change

There’s a clear difference between knowing each other and changing each other. People in healthy relationships work hard to discover more and more of each other. Those in unhealthy relationships, on the other hand, are too focused on changing each other based on their own needs and demands, not caring about what each other might feel.

Intention to revenge, not repair

Fights are normal in healthy relationships. But here, couples work hard to reconcile and repair whatever the damage their arguments have caused. In tainted relationships however, there is no genuine effort to repair, rather, there’s a great desire to revenge. Partners perceive each argument as a payback time – time to recall past mistakes and blame each other.

Selfishness

Love is never selfish. Real love allows two people with huge differences and dreams to merge together as a team with common goals in life. Nevertheless, both partners work hard to support each other’s dreams. Tainted love, on the other hand, doesn’t give. It’s very self-focused and pushes one person to sacrifice his or her dreams for the sake of the other.

Lack of trust

Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. When there’s no trust, a relationship is less likely to succeed and last. Without it, one cannot be confident to share his/her feelings, thoughts and emotions. Opening up with someone requires a certain degree of vulnerability. Trust deepens a relationship and strengthens the bond between partners. It is so important that without it, a relationship could not survive.

Persistent guilt-tripping

Unhealthy relationship demands things and uses guilt to get what it wants. Healthy relationship, on the other hand, creates a desire to care for each other’s needs. There’s an effort from each partner to contribute to the success of the relationship without the need to demand.

Social isolation

Unhealthy relationship doesn’t merit the support of other people – friends, family and acquaintances. This makes one partner overly dependent on the other, that without that person, he or she could not decide or carry on with life. This marks co-dependency, in which the person considers the relationship more important than his/her life.

Giving to get

Healthy relationship sets no condition. That is – you give because you want to and you care about the other person, not because you also want that person to return the favour. Unhealthy relationship rarely gives without a price. It gives as a way to get something back, not to show care and affection.

There are many other ways to tell if a relationship is unhealthy and they all could lead to unhappiness, loneliness, emptiness and dissatisfaction. If you think you’re in an unhealthy relationship, first try to figure out what makes it unhealthy and together with your partner, tackle ways to change them. If it’s not possible, always remember that help is available. Talking to a therapist who specialises in relationships can greatly help.