Self-Help Tips to Learn How to Trust Again

Rebecca Lewis June 12, 2014

Trust is at the core of all meaningful relationships. It can be difficult to love completely without putting our trust to that person. But when the trust is broken, learning to trust again sometimes become almost impossible to do. Once the trust has been betrayed, most people will be less trusting the next time.

We could blame our brain for this. When something caused us great pain and our brain has gone into fight or flight, similar situations in the future can also be threatening. So when we find ourselves getting close to someone, we start feeling anxious. Instead of looking at their positive traits, we look for signs we’re about to be betrayed or hurt so we unconsciously choose to see their flaws. In short, we expect for the worst.

The good news is that trust can be rebuilt with repeated positive experiences. For instance, if your ex-partner was unfaithful, you won’t initially trust the next man you date. However, if that person is able to show that he is honest, faithful and all, in time he or she might be able to earn your trust, even a higher level of trust you haven’t given to anyone else yet.

Learning to trust again can take time. It doesn’t happen overnight, or with a snap of your finger. Yet, seeking professional help and support can shorten the process and promote healing, but these self-help tips can also be useful:

Be mindful.

Topping the list is practising mindfulness. Learn to acknowledge your feelings, thoughts and emotions – and track where they come from and what direction they are headed to. If you can observe how your thoughts come and go, you are in the right place to start trusting again.

Do a reality check.

If you can separate facts from your feelings, you’re on the right track. It’s going to be difficult at first but it’s where healing starts. You might be clueless of which ones are the facts and which ones are mere assumptions or feelings. But there’s a simple technique to find out. First, name the situation. And on a sheet of paper, identify what your feelings are and how strong they are (if you want to use a number scale, do it). Then, write down your beliefs related to the situation. What are the facts that support these beliefs? What are the facts that don’t? By doing this, you will be able to identify which beliefs could be more suitable to the situation and change the way you see or perceive things.

Don’t rush.

Learning to trust again is a process. Trust is something you build over time. You don’t completely trust a person you just met the other day. So don’t force yourself to trust someone again. It will come. For the meantime, do more of the next step.

Focus on positive interactions.

As mentioned, increasing positive interactions can help you learn to trust again. Spend more quality time with friends and family; pursue your passion, find time for enjoyment and recreation, practise relaxation techniques, and so on. By building more positive experiences, the pain of the past can be eased and you will learn to trust once more.

Realise that your future is different from your past.

Your past does not equal your future. Just because you have been betrayed by one person before doesn’t mean you will be betrayed by new people to come to your life. Imagine carrying a ton of rocks in your bag and as you go along, you collect more. Will you be able to keep walking with ease? No. So lighten your burden by letting go of the hurts of the past.

If you have problems trusting others due to past hurts or trauma, seeing a professional therapist, along with these self-help tips, may help.