Self-Harm Tips for Family and Friends

NLP for all Hypnotherapy, NLP, Time Line Therapy in Sevenoaks June 13, 2013

Often, people don’t know why they self-harm. For some, it is a way to communicate or express something they could not put into words. If someone you know is dealing with self-harm issues, you can always be of help. Here’s how.

1. Pay attention – Don’t ignore what’s happening, it sends a signal to the young person that they and their body are precious. Don’t go on and on about the injuries, though. It is important that you appreciate how difficult things are for the young person concerned and that this is how they are choosing to cope at the moment.

2. Find out how they are feeling – Be gentle in your approach. Ask them to share their feelings with you. If they don’t want to talk to you, or if some of what they have to say might be difficult to hear, help them find someone else to confide in. A problem shared is often a problem halved.

3. Be honest about your own feelings and avoid being critical or never blame them – Don’t make them feel guilty or that they are going mad. Acknowledge what you may need to do things differently. Don’t add to their pain by insisting that they talk to you about it all of the time.

4. Be positive – Tell them you love them and how wonderfully gifted and talented they are. Find genuine opportunities to emphasise all the positives in their lives, this will help them to develop their feeling of self-worth.

5. Be realistic – Rome wasn’t built in a day. Don’t expect them to stop hurting themselves just because you want them to. This is a coping mechanism that they’ve nurtured and kept secret. It takes time for people to accept that it’s ok to have emotions and find ways to accept themselves. Remember they have a right to be who they are. This will help them understand that you accept who they are and that you care for them deeply.

6. Be supportive – You can do this without be controlling or taking over. You can’t solve their problems for them, but you can be a listening ear. Trust them to make their own decisions. Encourage them to be the best that they can be.

7. You can make a difference – You can greatly impact their lives by just by being there for them, showing you care, and by loving and respecting them. You can also seek professional advice; there is no shame in that. (See end of article for a list of agencies that are there for you.)

Tips and Strategies for a Self-Harmer

1. Open up – Talk to someone supportive who you can trust to talk about your feelings. This is a brave first step and will help you start taking care of your emotional health and wellbeing.

2. Like yourself – It’s not your fault. You have a right to be you and feel what you feel.

3. Make contact – Make sure you have telephone numbers of people who can help. You are not alone.

4. Get mad – Take out your anger on some cushions! Pick up those drumsticks!

5. Be creative – Engage in enjoyable activities you’ve never tried before. How you feel in the inside will affect how you see the world.

6. Keep safe – if you feel the need to self-harm, focus on staying within safe limits.

7. Seek Professional advice – You are not alone. If you don’t have someone you trust to talk to, speak to your GP or any of the agencies listed below.

Video clip from ChildLine:

http://www.childline.org.uk/Videos/Pages/WillsStoryRaisingawarenessofselfharm.aspx

http://www.childline.org.uk/Play/GetInvolved/Pages/Tulissa%20supports%20Self-Harm%20Awareness%20Day.aspx

The reasons for self-harming are very personal and often, those reasons get buried deep inside. It may be a way of being in control, releasing anger, or hurt. It could be a form of self-punishment or a way to express feelings of unworthiness. It may be a feeling of being trapped in a nightmare, a difficult situation, and so on.

References:

http://www.childline.org.uk/Play/GetInvolved/Pages/Tulissa%20supports%20Self-Harm%20Awareness%20Day.aspx Accessed: 29/01/2013

http://www.mind.org.uk/mental_health_a-z/8006_understanding_self-harm Accessed: 29/01/2013

Other useful organisations

ChildLine

Tele: 0800 1111

http://www.childline.org.uk/Talk/Pages/Email

Mind

15-19 Broadway, Stratford, London E15 4BQ

Tele: 020 8519 2122 F: 020 8522 1725

Email: contact@mind.org.uk

Mind Cymru

3rd Floor, Quebec House, Castlebridge,19 Cowbridge Road East,Cardiff CF11 9AB

Tele: 029 2039 5123

Email: contacwales@mind.org.uk

NLP4Kids

Regus G31, Breakspear Park, Hemel Hempstead,Hertfordshire, HP2 4TZ

Tele: 0845 3192666

Email: info@NLP4Kids.org

National Self-harm Network (NHSN)

PO Box 7264, Nottingham NG1 6WJ

helpline: 0800 622 6000 web: www.nshn.co.uk

NSPCC

Child protection helpline: 0808 800 5000

Web: www.nspcc.org.uk

Text: 88858 Email: help@nspcc.org.uk

Samaritans

PO Box 9090, Stirling FK8 2SA

T: 08457 90 90 90 24-hour emergency helpline

web: www.samaritans.org.uk

Teen Therapy Kent

T: 07713 626 011 Marie

T: 07738 426 020 Susie

E: Marie@NP4Kids.org

YoungMinds

T: 020 7336 8445 parents helpline: 0808 802 5544

parents information service: 0800 018 2138

web: www.youngminds.org.uk

For anyone concerned about the mental health of a child or young person

Useful websites

www.harmless.org.uk

www.nice.org.uk

www.thesite.org/selfharm