Relationships: Respect that Space on the Dance Floor

Lyn Reed Counselling, Psychotherapy, Stress Management in Staffordshire June 25, 2015

Maintaining a healthy relationship with our partners can seem like a dance routine – we need to be careful not to tread on each other’s’ toes too often as it may result in either one of us deciding never to dance with each other again, or each of us deciding to dance with everybody else but each other. (Or possibly worse: we dance together in the same old routine until we become fearful of ever dancing again on our own feet.)

Negotiating emotional distance in a relationship is something that requires skill. Sometimes we may want our own floor space; we may complain that our partner is off doing their own routine and we don’t see them often enough. Or our partner may say they want their own space. We may interpret this as a lack of commitment.

I read somewhere that when we feel our relationship is developing into a serious tango it can be useful to ask one question: can we recall when we had our first serious row? It is probably useful if we can. Think hard. Because we are likely to be having it many times whilst we are in this relationship. And that could be for many years.

It seems it is not so much about what the argument is about, but the how. Avoiding aggressive words like ’you’ and ’should’ is good if we want to avoid playing the blame game. ’Me, me, me’ - not good, if we want to work as a team. You get my drift.

Letting our partner know that we each need to have our emotional space will help the relationship grow and develop. It is a useful dialogue to have. Make suggestions to each other if that helps. Remember that we all have different interests. After all, we each had a life before we met our partner. It is important we don’t turn our backs on our own identities. To do so risks co-dependency and a loss of our sense of self.

That bit of space on the dance floor is for negotiation. It’s important we respect it.