Predictors of Unhealthy Relationships

Sharon Moore November 14, 2014

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You probably know what makes a healthy relationship. Now, what makes an unhealthy one? While we all want to build strong and lasting relationships, there are things we do that don’t help us achieve this goal, rather, worsen our relationship.

Below are the leading predictors of unhealthy relationships. If you think yours is struggling with any one of these, now is the time that you deal with it.

Anger

This is one of the most dangerous signs of an unhealthy relationship. When anger lasts for extended periods of time, it becomes intrusive to your relationship. Uncontrolled anger doesn’t only lead to violence, but can also provoke an individual to establish control or dominance, intimidation, and other obstructive behaviours. Furthermore, it also causes feelings like guilt, remorse and shame. Trying to resolve conflict with anger, yelling and violence sets an unhealthy precedent in a relationship, ignoring the need for open, trusting communication.

Isolation

Just because both of you chose to live a life together, doesn’t mean you have to forget about the rest of the world, and totally disconnect from other people, especially your friends and family. A healthy relationship is one wherein both partners give time for each other and at the same time, allow each other to grow independently, meet new people, and pursue their goals. Not letting your partner go out and see his/her friends or socialise with other people is a predictor of an unhealthy relationship.

Unhappiness

When one or both partners are unhappy, the relationship becomes unhealthy. The thing is that when you can’t find happiness within, you won’t be able to find it in your relationship as well. You will always feel that something is missing, or that the attention and care you receive aren’t enough. It is important that we deal with unhappiness the moment we realise it’s there. Try to figure out what’s causing your sadness so you will know how to effectively deal with it.

Control

What makes us humans is our free will. While we conform to rules and policies to maintain order, we all are endowed with freedom. Control in a relationship is a red flag, as it leads to unhappiness, remorse and anger. If you find yourself doing things to avoid fights or hiding parts of your life that might set off your partner, you could be in a controlling relationship. Control brings danger to both your mental and emotional health.

Jealousy

Sometimes, seeing your partner feels jealous tickles your heart, making you feel wanted. Occasional twinge of jealousy is in fact healthy to a relationship. But when jealousy becomes a normal norm in a relationship, it only leads to anger or controlling behaviours. Extreme jealousy is not a sign of love, but insecurity and a desire to control.

Anger, isolation, unhappiness, control and jealousy are things we should watch out in our relationship. If you think you are dealing with any of these, you must try to sort it out as soon as possible. Seeking a therapist is most likely to help you get through it.