Is Caring About Yourself a Selfish Act?

Lisa Franchi February 11, 2013

"Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all" so goes a popular song. But many people interpret self-love or self-care in a negative way.  Some thinks it is just the same with narcissism – a generalised personality trait characterised by conceit, selfishness and vanity. Because of this, a lot of us are afraid to give special attention to their personal needs, which often leads to sadness, despair and hopelessness.

But is it not our obligation to take good care of the body that was given to us? Life is a precious gift that not everyone gets the chance to have. Some are deprived of life just minutes after they were born. So why not give value to this priceless gift that you have?

What is Self-Care?

Self-care is never a selfish act. It is, in fact, a personal responsibility. We all have the obligation to take care of ourselves because no one else can do it for us. The problem however is that many people perceive self-care superficially. They relate self-care with things like buying new clothes, a new car, and new gadgets, moving to a bigger home, having luxury vacations, and so on. But self-care is not self-pamper. It requires establishing a deeper connection with yourself, understanding the ‘child’ within you, and being a caring guardian or parent of that child. Self-care is about giving reassurance, love, empathy, comfort and compassion to your inner self.

Self-care is not self-indulgence. You may have heard people saying “Go ahead and indulge, you deserve it!’ Many people assume they are taking care of themselves when in fact they are actually self-indulging – finding a quick-fix for their life’s stresses and miseries. For instance, spending hours lying on the sofa, pigging on a large bowl of crisps and drinking can after can of beer. Rather than determining the cause of their distress, they resort to these temporary pleasures which cause them to feel more distressed in the long run.

Self-care is not vanity. Self-care is different from narcissism because the latter always have a negative consequence and often cause pain to others. Sound internal self-care is about taking good care of your own feelings so you don’t project them to others and bring conflicts to your social relationships.

How do you take care of your inner self? 

You want to take care of yourself the way you want others to take care of you. Deep within you is a child who needs love, care, acceptance and understanding. Even if you have someone to lean on during difficult situations in life, that person couldn’t help you as much you could help yourself. Instead of observing quick fixes, practise behaviours that balance the effects of your physical and mental or emotional stressors. They include eating healthy foods, getting enough rest and sleep, exercising, practising meditation, yoga and other relaxation techniques, avoiding substance abuse, and engaging in psychotherapy. Self-care also involves learning how to self-soothe your own emotional and physical distress.

Self-care may be quite difficult to practise because we are raised in a society which taught us that love is something we get from other people. In relationships for instance – many get married because they want someone to relieve their fears, give them comfort and protection, and soothe their distress. But this is a big mistake. Providing emotional support is a skill that we should learn on our own.

 

Dear Readers,

What ways can you recommend for self-care and promoting personal well-being?

Share your idea’s below!