How to Support a Person in Grief

Amy Taylor March 09, 2016

Have you ever found yourself trying to comfort a person who has just gone through a very difficult situation? How did you respond? What did you say? How did you show empathy and support?

‘He’s in a better place now.’, ‘Stop crying, that guy doesn’t deserve you. You will find someone else better.’, ‘Time heals all wounds.’ - These are some of the famous lines we hear from people trying to comfort a grieving loved one. Comforting as it may sound for them, it isn’t actually for the person who is suffering. Instead of making them feel better, it may just make them feel worse.

Most of us feel uncomfortable and find ourselves running out of words whenever we deal with a grieving person. He or she can be your friend, workmate, relative, or even your neighbour. You might feel carried away by their sadness and pain. Or you might be unable to relate with them. Many people just don’t know what to say, how to react and what to do. If you are one of them, you might find these tips helpful.

Avoid saying ‘I know how you feel’. While you may have gone through a similar situation with that person, there are now two experiences that are exactly alike. Circumstances vary. The degree of pain and suffering vary as well. Instead of saying ‘I know how you feel’, say something ‘I can’t imagine what this is like for you.’ Then ask how they are doing. Let them be the one to say about how painful it is. This way, you can really understand where they are coming from.

Give them some space. Let them talk about their distress more comfortably. Avoid making them tell the story - of what really happened. It may just make them feel worse as they linger back on the painful memories. Often, it is more comforting to just sit there beside them and listen than keep asking questions. Don’t push them to talk about it. Grieving people may find comfort just knowing that someone is there on their side.

Offer what you can do. Help them in any way you can, but be specific with the kind of help you want to give. Avoid asking them what you can do for them. Instead, offer the kind of help you are confident about doing. Asking ‘How can I help you?’ doesn’t show a lot of sincerity. Also, it puts more burden to the grieving person. It just drains their energy. Suggest any help you think is appropriate and that you can actually do.

Never stop them from crying. Crying is our body’s natural way of relieving pain and sadness. Let them cry. Just be there for them. Be their crying shoulder. Avoid saying ‘Hush now. Don’t cry.’ Instead, say ‘It’s okay. Let it out. It would make you feel better.’

People who are experiencing grief are in the most painful time of their life. And too often than not, they don’t need advices. They just don’t want to feel alone. You don’t always have to say a word. Your presence, love and sincere empathy will go a long way to helping them bounce back from the painful experience and find happiness once more.