How to Heal and Rediscover Happiness after a Break-Up
Most people go through a break-up or several break-ups in their lifetime. The pain from losing someone through a break-up is very similar to losing someone to death. It could feel like you’ve lost a portion of yourself – a very important one. The days after the break-up could be the most terrible days of your life – long, agonising, melancholic and depressing.
But pain after break-up is normal. This only proves that you are human, capable of loving and being hurt. The good news is this: the pain that this kind of separation brings doesn’t last forever. Things will get better in time. Maybe at this very moment, you find it incredibly hard to believe it. But by the time you have finally accepted it, you’ll find yourself slowly healing until the pain completely goes away.
Nevertheless, the road to healing and rediscovering happiness is going to be bumpy. The connection that you’ve built with that person for the past months or years could be so strong that you might not find it easy let go. If you were on the receiving end of the break-up, you may constantly feel angry, betrayed, and rejected. But just like all obstacles in life, there is a way get over from the pain caused by a break-up and pursue happiness once again. Here’s how:
Feel the pain. By now, it’s most likely that all you wanted to do is let go of the pain. But healing is a process. No matter how much we want it, we need to get through each of the stages until we finally get to the better end. In the case of wound for instance, before a simple cut heals, it first gets swollen and inflamed for several days before your skin tissues repair themselves and go back to their normal condition. When it comes to break-up, you first need to struggle with the ‘intolerable’ pain before you start feeling better. Usually, the grief that comes with a break-up has 5 stages. The first stage is denial. This is perhaps the most painful because you’re in a situation where you find it hard to believe that the break-up has just happened. You are confronted with the big word: WHY? Next stage is anger. You may or may not go through this phase. It’s where you try to find out who’s at fault. If you’re like most people, you may resort to blaming yourself for the break-up. The third stage is bargaining. At this point, all you want to do is go back to where you are before. It’s either you attempt to make deals with your partner to start all over again, or with God to put an end to the loss. If you don’t succeed at the third stage, you then enter a new world of gloom and depression. At this stage, all you feel is hopelessness, bitterness, self-pity, frustration, and so on. The fifth stage, which may probably take time before you experience it, is acceptance. The moment you begin to accept that it happened for a reason, you’ll notice that the pain has started to wane.
Surround yourself with positive people. Just because you have to go through the pain, doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone. Find healthy outlets of your emotions. Talk to a friend, write a journal, compose a song, and give it a good cry. When you allow yourself to cry, you are actually letting go of the heaviest load of emotions that you keep inside. As the tears fall less, that’s the time you’ll know that healing has already begun. You will feel a lot better with the warm embrace of a friend, with the kind words from mum and dad, and from the sweet and cute face of your pet. Being with supportive people helps you avoid thinking about the break-up and overanalysing things (which often, could make your condition worse).
Embrace vitality. Science has proven the essential role of exercising in uplifting mood and alleviating depression. Instead of going ‘couch potato’ and allowing the pain to linger, it would be more helpful to get up and keep moving. Attend a workout programme in the nearest gym, learn a new dance step, backpack with friends and seek some adventures in the forest, do some surfing in the beach, or ride a bike on your way to work – physical activities do not only stray you from thinking about the bad experiences you’ve gone through but also energises your mind and body and help you manage your emotions well.
Be part of someone’s healing. Right after break-up, most people tend to think that they become incapable of helping another person heal as they themselves are deeply wounded. It turns out however, that by helping someone who is at a greater pain than you is one way to promote self-healing. A growing body of research in positive psychology suggests that compassion and service are among the greatest ways to rediscover happiness. Visit an elderly home, join a community project, donate to a charity – these things will make you realise that despite what you are going through, you are still fortunate. Allow compassion to comfort your heart and nourish it until it completely heals.
Assess yourself as a lover. This is important for you to find out what have been your weaknesses and strengths when you were still in a romantic relationship. Self-evaluation opens the room for improvement. This also helps you better understand the situation, why the break-up happened, and how you could prevent the same mistakes or shortcomings from happening again. Ask yourself – how many times have you felt dissatisfied and upset about your relationship? How well did you communicate? How many times did the two of you attempted to end the relationship prior the break-up? How many times did you outwardly or inwardly complain about your partner? Be very honest when answering these questions.
Make a fresh new start in your life. At this point, after following all the steps above, you should be getting incredibly better mentally, physically and emotionally. The final step would be to put back the remaining pieces of the puzzle right where they belong and get on with your life. You’ll know when you have already healed when you no longer feel angry or bitter whenever you think about the past. Forgiveness is a major part of healing. You can’t totally heal if you don’t let go of the bitterness inside.
Don’t be afraid to love again. More often than not, finding a new love is the ultimate remedy for a broken heart. But you don’t have to rush everything. Allow fate to lead you to the right person. Just be open to the possibility of falling in love again. You know sometimes – break-up is destiny’s way to help you find the person you are really meant to be.
Dear Readers,
What do you think is the hardest part of a break-up? What are the best ways to deal with it?
Share your comment below.
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