How to Deal with Rejection

Amy Taylor January 26, 2016

Some people carry a heavier burden when faced with rejection as compared with others. According to research, the pain of rejection can linger for years, and can potentially sabotage future relationships.

Rejection & Sense of Self

A recent study from Stanford University investigated the link between rejection and a person’s sense of self. The findings revealed that very basic beliefs about personality can contribute to whether people recover from, or remain mired in, the pain of rejection. In the study, those with a fixed mind-set about their personality – those who believed their personality is unchangeable – allow rejection to linger. Meanwhile, the people who believe in their ability to grow and develop, while of course hurt by rejections, can more readily bounce back and envision a brighter future.

Dealing with Rejection

As human beings, we have this innate need to feel secure. Rejection, however, threatens our sense of security, which explains why such experience can be a very painful one. Rejection could make us feel abandoned, unloved, and worthless.

It is important, however, to realise that it is okay to feel bad in times of rejection. Being vulnerable upon rejection is normal. We shouldn’t try to ignore or conceal the feeling. Because the more we try to get rid of it, the more powerful it becomes, and the worse we feel.

It is also important to understand that criticism and rejection are part of life. Even the most successful people have their own story of rejection. Everyone gets criticised and rejected once in a while. Whether it’s in your previous relationship, work, or career, rejection can fuel feelings of hopelessness and lack of self-worth. But you shouldn’t let these feelings dominate you and take control of you.

Thirdly, and very crucial that you don’t forget, is to remind yourself that rejection is not necessarily or always a reflection of who you are. The reason why a person rejected you doesn’t always have nothing to do with you. In some cases, it may actually be a blessing that you were let down or cast away. Being rejected could be your graceful exit from an unhealthy relationship and could lead you to a better relationship, more opportunities, and a happier life.

Moreover, rejection can be an instrument for learning and growth. Rejection allows you to contemplate on yourself, determine your strengths and weaknesses, and find ways to grow as a better person. It can motivate you further to do better, overcome challenges and keep going in life. Rejection can be a sign that you are headed to success. If you had played it safe all these years and had not pursued friendships, relationships, or career, chances are, you have never experienced rejection.

Whenever feelings of rejection get too overwhelming, the best thing you can do is to practise more of self-love. It is during times like this when your inner self needs more of your attention, care, appreciation and love. It may be difficult to make conscious efforts to make yourself feel better or practise optimism. But know that help is available. Counselling can be a great venue for self-healing. It can be a long and difficult process, but ultimately, you will overcome rejection and even use it to your advantage.