Healthy Ways to Overcome Guilt Feelings

Rebecca Lewis September 24, 2013

Guilt is that indescribable feeling a person experiences after doing something morally wrong, such as committing a crime, or intentionally hurting someone. Feeling guilty is normal as it pushes us to correct our mistakes, ask forgiveness from the one we’ve hurt, and change our ways for the better. But many of us feel guilty for the wrong reasons. Specifically, some of us feel guilty about the things they didn’t do in their life. And this is where trouble comes.

Guilt feelings can hinder us to move forward in our lives and make a fresh new start. If you’re being troubled by guilt feelings, here are some things you can do:

First of all, learn to forgive yourself. Until you do, moving on from guilt feelings can be very difficult. Write down all the things you are guilty about. Maybe you feel guilty about saying something about your co-worker, scolding your little sister, getting unreasonably jealous with your partner’s colleague, eating a large meal whilst on a diet plan, and so on.  You may also feel guilty about the things you think you should have done. Maybe you feel guilty because you didn’t call your mum on her birthday, or you broke a promise to a friend. Whatever it is – learn to recognise them and forgive yourself. Denying these guilt feelings will only make them more overwhelming.

Shift your thoughts. Shifting your thoughts doesn’t mean you are suppressing the negative emotions. You are just reconstructing how your mind perceives things. Feelings of guilt can get you into the cycle of negative thinking, which brings potential danger to your mental health. Try revising your negative thoughts into positive ones. This can make things lighter.

Make an effort to correct your mistakes. Correcting your mistakes is the best antidote to guilt feelings. So if you feel guilty for not being able to visit your mum in the nursing home because you went out with your friends last weekend, visit her during weekdays. Many times, the things we feel guilty about are often very easy to make right.

Realise that guilt feelings aren’t always facts. Sometimes, we feel guilty about things we should not really feel guilty about. Consider making a ‘guilt journal’. Every time you feel guilty, write it down in your journal, including the time date and the feelings you have experienced. This will help you understand the trend of your guilt feelings and recognise their root cause.

Realise that you are not perfect. We all make mistakes. What’s important is that we learn from them. Try not to feel guilty for every single thing you’ve done wrong. Rather, be open to the lessons you can learn from it.

Don’t get caught up with the ‘blame game’. Many people are into the habit of blaming themselves even for the mishaps that are beyond their control. Self-blaming is not going to help you overcome guilt feelings. Rather, take a more forgiving approach to the world and always remember that sometimes, things happen just because they do.

Focus on your good side. If you feel guilty because you don’t get to go down on the floor to play with your kids, think about the good traits you have as a parent. Maybe you always take them out for dinner and holiday getaways. If you feel guilty because you couldn’t give your spouse expensive gifts, think about how supportive, kind and loving partner you are.

Set no-guilt-allowed rule whenever you go out to have fun. Many people don’t go out for a holiday because they feel guilty about it. But when was the last time you gave yourself time to relax and have pure fun? It’s not like every day you do it right? So why feel guilty? Guilt feelings can spoil a supposedly happy moment, so set a no-guilt-allowed rule. You deserve it anyway!

Move your body. One way to shook guilt feelings and other negative emotions is to sweat them out. Exercising lowers your cortisol levels (stress hormones) and boosts your endorphin levels (feel-good chemicals) in your body. It can help you think more clearly and feel better overall.

Don’t let others make you feel guilty. Guilt feelings are something you create inside. But often, we feel guilty because the people around us tell us to. Some friends, spouses, children, parents, bosses, and colleagues are good at making others feel bad about what they have done. Try not to listen to them. Listen to the voice within you. You know better.

Stop asking “what if?” Ask “what now?” There are things you’ve already done and can’t change. So there’s no point thinking about them and asking – what if you’ve done this, what if you’ve done that. Instead, focus on the things that you still have control of, like your future.

Whilst guilt feelings can be overwhelming and persisting, they can be minimised. Can you give more tips to overcome guilt feelings? Share your insights by posting a comment below.