Envy – is There Anything Good about It?

Amy Taylor April 30, 2014

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Envy – everybody knows it’s a bad thing. It’s the sixth deadly sin, after all. But it is something we experience from time to time. No one is immune to the green-eyed monster. It’s just that many times we try to deny it. We try to snap those nasty thoughts. But then, something inside us has the great desire to take what that envied person has. And if something bad does happen to the envied person, we might take a certain grim pleasure in it. Psychologists call it “shameful joy”.

Given its destructive power in our emotional lives and relationships, it really does deserve its time-honoured place on the list of the Seven Deadly Sins.

But feelings of envy and jealousy aren’t pure evil. Just like what they say – there’s always good in the bad. Even if envy is generally a bad thing, it does reveal insights that can actually help us improve our life and our attitude. One good aspect of such negative emotions is that they provide a “signal value”. That is, they tell us, in some obnoxious ways, that something is wrong. In the book “Envy: Theory and Research” by Richard Smith, a psychology professor at the University of Kentucky in the US, it was proposed that envy can serve as a signal of desire, deficit, and disconnection. He posited that listening to these signals may actually help us to manage feelings of envy.

For instance, envy tells us a lot about desire. That’s because we tend to feel envy in areas that we see as personally relevant and important. You may have felt envious of a friend who has travelled in several parts of the world. Such feelings of envy ‘signal’ your yearning to travel to similar places.  It is really worth taking a close look at the desires underlying your envy. You just might discover a dream or figure out what you really want in life.

Envy and jealousy towards another person may also mean that we have fallen short in an area that matters to us. You probably felt jealous of your sister or brother who already has a home and a car whilst you are still stuck in a less-paying job. Envious feelings can also help us improve ourselves, try harder, gain new skills, and become a better person. But in areas where we don’t have control, we may find peace by learning to accept our limitations.

Another thing that envy may convey is the presence of disconnection. Envy creates a big wall that separates us from others, especially those that we love. It can also cause us to lash out with hurtful words or actions, creating more rifts. It spurs actions and behaviours that hurt other people, such as gossiping.

Jealousy, on the other hand, could mean you value a relationship. People in romantic relationships know how uncomfortable it is to feel jealous. But jealousy is rooted in the desire to protect what’s important to you. It means you value such relationship. It signals your partner and that other person that you are going to fight for the relationship.

Envy seems to be also highly related to competitiveness. Competitiveness is a good characteristic. It often fuels success. Studies suggest that competitiveness seems to be highly related to envy. It is still not clear which causes the other. But researchers say it can be that competitive people are more successful because of their envy, which drives them to succeed, or it can be that because they’re envious, they are considered to be competitive.

Even so, many times, we are unable to uncover the positive insights that envious feelings and jealousy bring. There are times when the negative emotions are too overwhelming that we just let our minds and hearts be filled with envy. And that’s where our life starts to become miserable.

Taming the green-eyed monster – where do you start?

Envy is painful. As mentioned, many times we just try to deny that we are being envious of someone. That’s because envy brings us real pain. And we don’t want pain. Most of us will do everything to reduce the pain. Feeling inferior to someone else is painful and very demoralising. Although it is an emotional pain, just like other negative emotions, envy can transform into physical pain. It causes us to feel stressed, which in turn greatly affects our physical health.

As painful as it may seem, the first step towards dealing with envy is admitting it. Constantly denying that you are jealous or envious of someone doesn’t help make you feel better. On the other hand, acknowledging feelings of envy can change your perspective and let you focus more on what’s important. It also allows you to find other areas where you can excel, as envy is specific to one thing or aspect of someone’s life. It’s rare to envy a person for everything he or she has. Remember that the person you’ve been envying doesn’t have a perfect life. Each of us has their own share of sadness and suffering.

There’s no doubt that envy is one of the darkest parts of every human being. We all have that green-eyed monster within. But if we can see envy as a sign of deeper issues that need attention, such as an unfulfilled dream, the need for improvement, disconnection, or a broken relationship, it is possible to see a light of hope amidst the sheer darkness.