Dealing with Unreasonable and Controlling People

Sharon Moore September 09, 2014

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People with controlling and aggressive personalities are almost everywhere. We can find them in the workplace, at school, and sometimes, even in our own homes. And really, it is not easy to deal with them. Whether it’s a family member, a co-worker or your boss – highly aggressive and challenging people can turn a seemingly good day into a stressful, emotionally tormenting one.

In most situations, walking away is an option. But there will be times that you have to face them and deal with them. Below are smart ways to deal with aggressive, intimidating, and controlling people. Take note however, that some of them may not apply to all situations. You just got to choose the one most appropriate in your case.

Stay calm by breathing mindfully.

One common characteristic of controlling people is that they like to deliberately upset you. They like to push you to your buttons, pull your strings, and literally destroy you. Because by doing so, they can take advantage of you so they can exploit your weakness. You can keep your composure and stay calm amidst their attempt to ruin your day by practising proper breathing. This technique is very handy, and easy to do. Before you say or do anything (which you may regret in the end), slowly count to ten. In most cases, by the time you reach ten, you would have regained composure, and figured out a better response to the issue. It’s time to turn the tables. By managing to stay calm despite their provocations, they are the ones who will feel intimidated and embarrassed in the end.

Keep your distance. Pick your battles.

Not all aggressive and controlling individuals require direct confrontation about their behaviour. What’s more, they don’t have the right to negatively affect your well-being and happiness. Unless there’s something important at stake, avoid interacting with these people. Keep a healthy distance with them and avoid engagement unless you absolutely have to.

Don’t take anything personally.

Many times, these people don’t really mean to behave that way to upset you. It’s just that being controlling or aggressive is part of their personality and chances are, it’s not just you who they deal with that way. By educating yourself about the nature of aggressive and controlling people, you can learn to depersonalise the situation. One good strategy is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, even for just a moment. Don’t judge the person yet, rather, try to understand where he or she is coming from. For instance, your manager is probably being mean and cruel because he or she could be dealing with some personal issues. Shift from being ‘reactive’ to ‘proactive’. When you feel offended by someone’s words or deeds, come up with ways of viewing the situation before reacting.

Believe in yourself.

Controlling people are only too happy to undermine your confidence. People who lack self-confidence rarely feel entitled to question the authority of those who claim it. You don’t have to become a public braggart. You can simply remind yourself of your accomplishments and your strengths, such as the best dedications you’ve made, the times you have triumphed in life’s difficulties, as well as the positive feedback you received from others.

Be cautious about them.

Be careful of what you tell these people – they might use such information against you. Limit telling them your plans and desires. If what you want doesn’t go hand in hand with what they want, they’ll begin to make your life difficult.

Unreasonably controlling people are everywhere and they can really make your life miserable. The good thing is, there are ways to deal with them and protect yourself against their harsh behaviour.