
Dealing with Trust Issues in Romantic Relationship
Trust is something that could make or break a relationship. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, individuals who trust their partners are more likely to forgive and forget their mistakes than if they don’t trust them. The study involved assessing the trust levels of 69 undergraduate couples. The participants filled out surveys regarding their partners’ recent mishaps ever two weeks in 6 months. At the end of the study, those in the most trusting relationships remembered their partners’ past mistakes as less serious. They were also more forgiving than those who had trust issues in their relationships.
Whilst the researchers didn’t examine what exactly caused these results, they believe that trust appears to distort a person’s memory of the past. For instance, when you trust your partner, you’re more likely to forgive his or her mistakes because you see them as one-time events. But if you don’t trust your partner, you tend to play and replay the situation to try ‘connecting the dots’, thinking it’s a part of a pattern of bad behaviour. This makes forgiving much more difficult.
Overcoming trust issues in relationships
If you have trust issues with your romantic partner, these tips might help.
Understand that in romantic relationships, trust is earned, not given freely.
The first few years of a romantic relationship are very critical because they serve as the couple’s foundation. It’s where they begin to form trust, confidence and other behavioural patterns that will serve as essential aspects of their relationship in the future. Couples should be open to one another, giving emphasis on their need for the other person to prove that they are trustworthy. Trust is something a person grants over time, to someone who deserves it.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes.
Every human being makes mistakes and that’s a fact of life. Just because your partner did some mistakes in the past doesn’t mean he or she is no longer deserving of your trust. The most important thing is one’s sincerity to correct those mistakes and become a better person, a better partner.
Talk.
If you have trust issues with your partner and he or she doesn’t seem to notice or realise it, be honest and talk. If you don’t talk, it will continue to bother you over again. Give your partner a chance to contribute to your healing by letting him or her know the things that are bothering you emotionally.
Don’t pass the entire burden to your partner.
Many people with trust issues ask their partners to change healthy behaviours as a way to prove that they are trustworthy. For example, a husband asked a wife to promise not to chitchat with her fellows at work, particularly to her male co-workers. And if she didn’t keep up with her promise, she would have to quit her job. This is very unreasonable. Passing the burden to your partner alone is not right and fair. Trust issues are something both partners should address, especially the one who’s having it.
Recognise the root cause of the issue and focus on the healing.
Many people with trust issues are those who have been betrayed, hurt or taken for granted in their past relationships. There could be other causes, such as childhood traumas – it is important that you dwell deeper into the root cause of your trust issue and deal with it in a proper context. It would be unfair for your present partner to be suffering the consequences of trust issues that were rooted from your previous relationships. This is a touch undertaking. If you think you can’t handle it alone, it’s best to seek help from a supportive loved one, if not, a professional therapist.
Let go of the past.
Psychological attachment is a largely subconscious and pervasive tendency to seek out the negative or do things that cause you to be unhappy. This includes holding on to the past, particularly those that cause you pain and emotional turmoil. Sticking to negativity does nothing good to your relationship. It impairs your capacity to love fully and become happy in your current relationship. Letting go of the past is really NOT easy, but it’s worth trying.
Have you ever had trust issues with your relationship or past relationships? How did you address them? Share your insights by posting a comment below.
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