Computer Dating: What Could Go Wrong?
Some people think our use of technology to find love has gone too far. Some of my clients feel that, as they aren’t as computer literate as others, they are at a disadvantage. But we have to admit technology has made it easier for people to meet – at least online, in a virtual world. And for some meeting for sex, just sex, is certainly a lot easier.
Dating websites offer a tremendous number of potential matches. Up to recently, the way we meet potential partners was by ’going out’, usually with friends. And because we tended not to move far from where we lived, the pub down the road or the club within 10 miles usually meant that we were likely to meet similar minded people with similar backgrounds. But certainly we met fewer.
Relationship with someone you share similar tastes and experiences with is more likely to last. Arranged marriages often work because those doing the ‘matchmaking’ thing look at what a couple may have in common. The challenge with arrangement is whether the chosen two are actually attracted to each other. However, this can grow with time although sometimes it just doesn’t.
The times when we met someone really different to us (think of holidays to Spain and the like) were usually tempestuous and physical but soon fizzled out when we got back home. The longing, of course, for this romantic and physically satisfying relationship would last longer and in some cases some hopefuls returned to wherever the holiday romance was, only to find that the magic was gone. A lucky few did develop more with their lover and had a long-term relationship.
Computer dating, if not carefully organised, is a bit like going on holiday. It allows us to be something we may not actually be – at least for a short period of time. But we will usually find out in the end. Bending the truth slightly on-line is easy. After all, we want to present the best image. We can emphasise certain aspects and forget others.
After some email correspondence, texting or phone calls, we then meet up. But the image we have formed of the person we are meeting can be drastically different. So if that date doesn’t work we move on to the next. After all there are thousands out there to meet. Some people think why put too much effort in? And this can be part of the difficulty.
But by looking at this form of dating positively and being honest from the start will help ensure better success. Knowing the mistakes you made with your previous choices and focusing on what you want from a relationship can increase you success. Talking to an independent counsellor can help you figure out what has gone wrong in the past and what you want – you really, really want.
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