Changing Our Identities

Lyn Reed Counselling, Art Therapy, Hypnotherapy in Staffordshire August 07, 2015

We often talk about ’putting on an act’. Or ’wearing a mask’ to hide our true selves. We probably do this to protect ourselves. And it can be a good strategy for our own survival. So how can this be reconciled with who we really are?

I believe we need to ACT as a different person before we can FEEL like a different person. Often when we are in the process of change we can feel we are in conflict with ourselves because we wear our masks or play our various parts before we have fully internalised our new identities.

It is at this point that therapy can help us through this temporary but often challenging process.

We may work hard at creating new identities; yet the process may never be done once and for all. Which is why there is often a stage where we repeat the process of finding a new identity many times over at different stages in our lives. Bright people with the potential for personal growth may have to change numerous times over their lifetimes - which are often a lot longer nowadays.

The good news is that we are likely to take with us into our new identities some values, strengths and accomplishments from our our old identity. With change comes some loss - and we may find ourselves abandoning some of our old ways. We can grow in skill and we can develop wisdom to find helpful people to guide us through such change. The sad truth for many of us though is that anxiety is often a forerunner to personal growth and sometimes depression is too. It is only when we become uncomfortable with our old selves that we feel the need to move on.

So if we are going to change our identity it is going to take some effort. Guarantees are not part of the deal. Yet with a change of identity we can become a survivor in the real sense of accomplishment when we learn how to negotiate yourself to a better self and better situation.

I have had some good helpers on my journey of life and I hope you do too. Watch out for the takers, the charlatans who want to take advantage of you. There are good therapists, good role models and good friends available to you.

Finding a new identity usually means leaving the past behind - although we may revisit it from time to time. When we finally come out from behind our masks we probably won’t feel like the same person who hid behind it in the first place. That’s what finding a new identity is all about.