Building Emotional Resilience: 7 Rules to Live By
Just as we work hard to protect our body from developing diseases, we should also give equal care and attention to our emotional health. Whilst negative experiences are part of life, we can help ourselves develop strong resilience against their undesirable impact. Here’s how.
Find meaning and derive purpose from life’s adversities.
“The consequence of undergoing more trials and difficulties in life is the acquisition of more and more mental strength and power!”
Emotionally healthy individuals are able to find meaning in their experiences (good or bad) and derive purpose from them. Although healing from trauma and loss is such a long, agonising process, these people do not focus on the bad side of the situation. Whilst savouring the pain, they try to understand that everything happens for a reason. This stance allows them to develop new appreciations in life, easily recover from their emotional wounds, and make significant changes that impact their lives.
Nurture self-esteem.
“Self-love is the source of all our other loves.”
It is normal to feel confident at some things and less confident at the others. But it is very important that we are able to maintain our self-esteem. Self-esteem is a protective gear that helps us overcome intimidating circumstances in life. It serves as our ‘emotional immune system’ which boosts our emotional antibodies so they can effectively battle with and resist potential threats. When our emotional immune system is down, we become more vulnerable to mental health problems such as depression and anxiety disorder. We should all treat ourselves like our ‘best friend’. That is, treat them in the most special way we can. Practising self-compassion is the best way to heal a broken self-esteem.
Identify self-defeating behaviours.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
Admit it, sometimes, we are our worst critics! Although we are often unaware of it, we exhibit behaviours that ruin our self-esteem and prevent us from reaching our full potential. These self-defeating behaviours increase our loneliness – a predictor of depression. Any thought or action that we do to discourage ourselves from trying is a self-defeating behaviour. So when we avoid going out with friends because we ‘think’ they wouldn’t want us there, we are practising a self-defeating behaviour.
Stop ruminating over distressing events.
“Look not at the days gone by with a forlorn heart. They were simply the dots we can now connect with our present, to help us draw the outline of a beautiful tomorrow.”
Sad memories – do they always haunt you? Don’t blame it to yourself. Research shows that humans are hardwired to remember negative experiences more than the positive ones. That’s supposed to be special skill that evolved from our basic need to survive. But when we think of negative and distressing experiences too much, we start to feel worse. If those experiences are part of the past, let them be. Whenever they appear in your mind again, try to disrupt yourself. Maybe you can engage in mentally challenging activities like solving a puzzle, or you can try to do some artworks. We can prevent negativity from getting through us if we try.
Gain control of failure.
“If plan A didn’t work, the alphabet has 25 letters more!”
It is natural to feel devastated after a failure. But if we succumb to failure, we become less and less motivated. We might feel that there’s little we can do to achieve success. We might feel helpless and demoralised that we may think of giving up our goals. Never let this happen. Our brain is so flexible that we have the ability to ignore the debilitating effects of failure and stand up once again to try pursuing our goals. Instead of lamenting over failure, try to identify what could have possibly gone wrong and strategise on how you could make things better next time.
Don’t surrender to rejection.
“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.”
Being rejected often feels more devastating than having failed. And sometimes, we make things much more unbearable by finding flaws in ourselves. Some people tend to focus on figuring out what is wrong with them or what have they done to be rejected. But this is not a healthy way to deal with rejection. The best way to cope with such an emotional challenge is to give emphasis on our own qualities and values we find meaningful.
Can you suggest other ways to promote emotional resilience? Share your insights by posting a comment below.
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