Best Traits of Highly Resilient Couples
One of the secrets to long-lasting relationship is resilience. Psychologists define it as the ability to bounce back from the stresses of life. Marriage is not a closed system that operates in a vacuum. It is affected by so many factors, including environmental and social stressors that make the couple vulnerable to conflicts and misunderstandings. For instance, raising children, financial concerns, family feuds, work issues, and a myriad of responsibilities greatly impact marriage. If not handled correctly, they could fuel divorce or separation.
Marriage is all about being together through good times and bad times. It necessitates effort not from only one but from both partners. When one partner has difficulties dealing with adversities and the other doesn’t, the relationship still gets compromised.
To conquer the challenges that come with marriage, resilience is highly important. But how do we acquire resilience?
There’s no magic formula for building resilience. But studies on highly resilient couples show that these people have common traits that contribute to the success of their marriage:
They connect, every day.
Resilient couples don’t lose connection – whether it’s a hug, a kiss, a smile, or a compliment – they connect with each other every single day, no matter how busy they are. Showing affection doesn’t have to be done always at night or when the lights are out. It can be done randomly or at any hour during the day. From these simple gestures of care and affection, a couple creates a strong bond that keeps them together for years.
They communicate assertively.
That is – they are able to express their thoughts, feelings and views in a clear, confident and controlled manner. More importantly, before they speak – they make sure to analyse the situation first and understand the issue very well. This allows them to separate illogical views from the logical ones, and address their concerns objectively.
They help each other relive good news.
Tackling great news is as important as tackling bad news. Too often however, couples fail to acknowledge each other’s achievements, offer short acknowledgement or hijack the moment by making the conversation all about them.
They don’t lose hope.
In a 2009 study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, ‘hope’ was shown to be a strong predictor of satisfaction, even being called a symptom of happiness. Whatever issue they are dealing with – a sick child, unpaid bills, unemployment, foreclosure, etc – resilient couples never lose hope. They know that sooner or later, they are going to resolve whatever problem it is they are having.
They practise empathy.
Empathy, or the ability to understand another person’s experiences and emotions, is a very powerful relationship tool. Empathy is also a hallmark of resilience. It makes it easy for couples to understand what each other is going through.
They keep their perspectives positive.
During difficult situations, it can be easy to get easily swayed by pessimism. But resilient couples keep their perspective on a positive light because they know only though it will they be able to tackle issues effectively. Being optimistic also allows them to identify solutions that haven’t been tried yet, and increase the chances of getting the issue resolved in the shortest possible time.
They don’t let adversity define their relationship.
Highly resilient people perceive bad times as temporary state of affairs. They consider them as mere trials designed to make their relationship much stronger, and opportunities to make it better. These couples know that just because they are under ‘test’ doesn’t mean they have weak relationship.
They practice acceptance.
Resilient couples accept each other’s flaws and weaknesses, and limitations. During tough times, they don’t play the “blame game” in which they point out each other’s past mistakes. Furthermore, they practise acceptance of the situation they’re in. Pain is painful, stress is stressful, and healing takes time. Instead of complaining and hurting each other even more, they accept this fact and focus on how to overcome the challenge.
They don’t forget to de-stress.
Even during the most stressful times, resilient couples don’t forget to look after their well-being by taking some rest and engaging in healthy activities that give them pleasure. They know that by taking care of themselves, they become more capable of dealing with life’s difficulties.
They seek help.
Oftentimes, there are challenges that couples couldn’t solve on their own. In such instances, resilient couples are not afraid or ashamed to seek help and support, whether from close friends, relatives, or therapists. Supportive people give them space to grieve and work on their emotions.
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