Are You Ready to Forgive?

Rebecca Lewis December 11, 2013

We all are guilty of hurting someone, whether intentionally or unintentionally. At the same time, we have all experienced being hurt or betrayed by another person at one point or another. There are offences that we forgive and forget easily, but there those that we just can’t, no matter how hard we try.

But holding on to grudges does not only bring us emotional burden. It also affects our health in negative ways. So even if it’s hard and you think you can’t do it, you may want to give ‘forgiveness’ a second thought. But then, no one can make you ready if you’re not. And when you are ready, no one can stop you from forgiving.

The question now is – how do you know if you are ready to forgive? Check out the following signs:

· When you think of that person or the thing he or she did, you don’t cringe. Instead, you reflect on the lesson learned and how you can apply it on your life.

· You look forward for their happiness. You are ready to forgive when you are able to pray for that person and wish them well. When you think about them, you don’t feel the bitterness anymore.

· You can speak with the person and about the incident with an even and light spirit. You may feel nervous and you might think that it’s an awkward moment but there’s no bitterness or negativity.

· You use such experience as a way to help others.

If any of these is not yet possible but the others are, just keep going. That only means you are getting there. Now what if you haven’t experienced any of these signs until now? Don’t worry. Again, you can’t force yourself if you are not ready. The good news is that you can do something to speed up the process and be able to render forgiveness sooner.

The key is to focus, not on the offensive behaviour, but on freeing yourself of the emotional pain that you have experienced. If the pain still lingers, any kind of forgiveness you give might only give you temporary relief, not peace of mind. You might feel “until that person changes his or her ways, I wouldn’t forgive them”. But this could just aggravate your emotional burden. The thing is we don’t have the power to control someone else’ behaviour but we can choose what and how we would feel about it. It may seem bizarre, but the best way to cultivate your ability to forgive is to develop self-compassion.

Have you ever been hurt deeply by someone else but then you managed to forgive him or her? What do you think has made you forgive? We’d love to hear your thoughts. Share your comment below.