Are You Emotionally Intelligent?

Amy Taylor February 21, 2014

A growing body of research suggests that in order to succeed in life, we need not just be intellectually smart, but emotionally intelligent as well. According to Psychology Today, emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills: the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others, the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving, and the ability to regulate your own emotions and cheer up someone who is feeling down.

So how do you know if you are emotionally intelligent? Here are some crucial signs:

You are good at empathising. Empathy is a very important element of emotional intelligence. People with empathy are good at recognising the feelings of others, even if they are less obvious. This trait makes them good at managing relationships and preventing large conflicts. Empathy allows you to relate with others in a much deeper and wider level.

You are self-motivated. People with high levels of emotional intelligence know how to keep themselves motivated. They are willing to delay immediate results for long-term success. Because they are high-spirited, they don’t get too afraid of facing bigger challenges. Motivation makes you productive and very effective in whatever you do.

You know who you are. Self-awareness is the mainstream of emotional intelligence. People who have this trait understand their emotions very well. Because of that, they are able to control their emotions well. They trust their intuition and don’t get easily carried away with the situation. Being self-aware involves identifying and managing your emotions. It also includes knowing your limitations or boundaries and being able to handle stressful situations effectively.

You get along well with other people. Social skills are at the hearts of emotionally intelligent people. Because they are good at identifying the emotions of others even if they are less obvious, these people are able to communicate with others without offending them. They are good at managing disputes, and building and maintaining relationships. Social skills are crucial to your success. When you know how to get along with others properly, it will be easier for you to find friends and expand your network.

You are optimistic. Emotionally intelligent people are confident and always look at the bright side of life. Even though they know failures are bound to happen anywhere, anytime, they are not afraid to encounter them. Being able to see failures, mistakes and setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning is a special skill that emotionally intelligent people possess.

You can positively influence others’ emotions. Emotionally intelligent people make the best of friends because of their empathy, plus their ability to positively influence the emotions of others. That is, they know how to make a problematic friend smile and how to lighten up the burden a person feels. The ability to influence others’ emotions in a positive way will help you establish and maintain your relationship with others, whether with your partner, parents, kids, co-workers, bosses, or anyone else in your social circle.

Do you lack these skills?

Don’t worry. Like a school exam, you can achieve a higher score in emotional intelligence if you study, prepare and try to incorporate and apply it in your daily life.

Strengthening your emotional intelligence starts with learning how to listen to your feelings. It may not be easy but learning how to tune in to your own emotions is perhaps the most important step.

Consider the following tips and suggestions to enhance your emotional intelligence:

Acknowledge your feelings. Many times, when our emotions give us discomfort, we try to snap them away either by denying them or shifting our attention or distracting ourselves. But the more you suppress your emotions, the longer they linger. Instead of running away, try to acknowledge your feelings. They probably have a message for you. Go to a quiet place, sit down and ask yourself “How am I feeling?”, “Why am I feeling this way?” and “When was the last time I felt this way?” Try not to dismiss those emotions before you have a chance to examine them thoroughly. Not only will this help you feel better, it is also a great starting point to resolve issues you are dealing with.

Tune in to your unconscious feelings. How do you do this? In a relaxed state, allow your mind to freely wander. Let your thoughts go to where they want to go. Analyse your dreams. Try to decipher the bigger picture they are trying to portray. Prepare a pen and paper. Writing down your thoughts will help you remember and figure out patterns that will help you better understand yourself.

Manage stress effectively. That never-ending headache, or that knot in your stomach while driving to work could be an indication of work-related stress. Remember, when you are feeling stressed, you are less likely to handle your emotions well. A crucial part of emotional intelligence is being able to spot stress triggers. But recognising them is not enough. Explore stress reduction techniques, and don’t forget to give yourself a break from work and responsibilities from time to time.

Emotional intelligence does not only strengthen your resilience. It also makes you a better person, a better friend and partner, and a better part of the community. By harnessing your emotional intelligence, establishing good relationship with others and maintaining them won’t be a big problem for you.