Accepting Pain: The Key to Achieving Your Goals

Sharon Moore June 04, 2013

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Are we hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain? Yes we are. That’s part of our survival instinct. Feelings of discomfort warn us that we are close to danger so our tendency is to ward them off, in the soonest time possible. But there’s a downside in this. We tend to shun all things that give us pain, even if that kind of pain is essential to our well-being.

The Positive Side of Pain

We have been raised in a society where pain is seen in a negative way. The moment we begin to feel some kind of discomfort, we make all steps necessary to avoid it. For example, we take medications to ward off anxiety, we drink alcohol to ease depression, and we smoke to puff away our stress. It’s funny how consciously and subconsciously we try hard to avoid pain when in fact, there are pains that are worth experiencing. Avoiding emotional pain, for instance, has been found to increase it whilst accepting pain or being willing to experience it without attempting to control it has been found to reduce it.

Sometimes, the best antidote to emotional pain is acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean having to diminish pain but to become more comfortable feeling it. Trying to avoid pain through acceptance is no different than trying to suppress it. By accepting and embracing pain, we prevent ourselves from experiencing the undesirable consequences to which they often lead.

The key to accepting pain is to recognise it. There are a number of techniques to do this. We can imagine pain as a tough exercise routine that pushes us to our limits but make us feel better and stronger after. We can imagine painful thoughts as letters sent to us by others whom we often disagree with, or an object with specific weight and size that we need to carry for awhile but eventually, we had to put down.

Acceptance doesn’t mean allowing our emotional struggles to pass unchallenged. It only means recognising and accepting painful thoughts and feelings so they don’t hold us back from solving our problems and getting what we truly want in life.

The secret to achieving anything you want is accepting the pain and hurdles that come along the way. If you avoid them, you get farther from your goals.

But mind you, trying to accept pain is not easy. But it’s possible, through the following ways:

Clarify your goals. Many people find it hard to achieve their goals because they are overwhelmed with the fear of pain. Some don’t even know what they want in life because of the painful feelings that are holding them back.

Accept that pain in inevitable. In life, you can never get away from negative experiences and painful emotions. You cannot succeed in just feeling good. So stop trying to avoid pain. Face it and develop ways to overcome it.

Stop labelling your feelings. Labelling feelings as ‘negative’ tend to extend your desire to avoid them to the extent of getting into the situations or behaviours that stir them up. Never engage in activities that provide you temporary relief from pain in exchange of a horrible side effect, such as alcohol or drug use.

Adopt positive behaviours. Strive hard to achieve your goals no matter what. Commit to positive behaviours that will enable you to reach your goals in life.

How do you deal with emotional pain? What therapies can you suggest to those who are struggling with emotional problems? Share your insights by posting a comment below.