8 Self-Compassion Tips that Can Make Your Life Better

Sharon Moore December 05, 2013

Most of us understand the value of self-compassion but a few make it a part of their daily life. Some of us choose to be hard on themselves and rarely think about showing themselves a little kindness. And even if they do, they worry that doing so is being so selfish, arrogant and totally not right. Instead, they dwell into self-criticism.

But a wealth of research shows that self-criticism harms our health and well-being in many different ways. For instance, a study by the University of Texas has found that self-criticism can lead to lowered self-esteem, anxiety and depression. Self-compassion, on the other hand, has been linked to greater well-being, reduced anxiety and depressive feelings, and better emotional skills and love for others.

To reap its benefits, you must make self-compassion a part of your life. But what if doing it feels difficult? Consider the following these tips:

1) Do what brings you energy. Admit it – not everything you do in a day brings you energy and happiness. And even if you like what you do very much, it doesn’t mean that you won’t feel stressed or burned out doing it. At one point or another, you will. In times like this, consider doing something that replenishes your energy. It may require stopping from your work for a little while and doing something that relaxes you like going out for a walk, cooking, reading, etc.

2) Befriend yourself. You need to be your own best companion. Before you engage in self-criticising thoughts or actions, ask yourself “Is it something I do to my best friend?” You may have many friends but only one is going to stay with you 24/7. And that’s the person within you.

3) Watch your language. You may be so used to criticising yourself that you don’t even realise that you are doing it. So be mindful of what you say to yourself and try hard to eliminate those that don’t make you feel better. Here’s a strategy you can try – if you wouldn’t say the same words or statements to someone you care about, that means you are being self-critical.

4) Take control of your inner self-talk. When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, remind yourself of the things you are thankful for. Tell yourself that you are doing good work; you have a family and friends who care about you, and so on.

5) Be your own ‘perfect mother’. She’s the one who tells you that everything is going to be okay. She’s the one who always sees and appreciates your beauty, and listens to you when no one is there.

6) Know that you’re not alone. Part of practising self-compassion is to know that you are not alone – no one is perfect – everyone is flawed.

7) Let yourself fail. Failure is not an excuse to being harsh on yourself. You don’t have to be better or stronger than other people. The most important thing is that you do your best in every endeavour.

8) Stay present. Observe life as it is, without being judgemental or suppressing your thoughts and feelings.

Being self-compassionate doesn’t mean solely seeking pleasure. It’s more on alleviating our own suffering and being kind to ourselves. Have a compassionate day!