7 Characteristics of Emotionally Secure People

Rebecca Lewis January 29, 2014

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Emotional security refers to the ability to deal with negative life’s situations in healthy and acceptable ways. Emotionally secure people are able to cope with mishaps effectively and bounce back after experiencing adversity.

Below are things that emotionally secure people do differently. Try to incorporate them in your daily life and see the difference. It may be hard at first but ultimately, you will improve and become more emotionally secure.

They accept failure. First of all, emotionally secure people know that failures are an inevitable part of life. They understand that in every challenge they take, there is a possibility of failure. Emotionally secure people see failures as opportunities for improvement. So instead of feeling down about it, they try to know why and where they failed so the next time they try, they have more chances of success.

They don’t let their inner critical voice win. Sometimes, we really are our own worst critics. But not being able to handle self-criticism effectively can take a huge toll on your sense of self and emotional resilience. You need not turn down your inner critic. Actually, you can befriend it by listening to it and extracting valuable insights from it. But don’t let it take control over you and affect your decisions. Learn how to stop it when you need to.

They take time to analyse the situation. Researchers from the University of Michigan found that when you are feeling upset or depressed; the solution is not denial or distraction. According to them, the best way to move ahead emotionally is to analyse one’s feelings from a psychologically distanced perspective. Emotionally secure people don’t rush. They take time to analyse their feelings before making decisions. This attitude prevents them from creating more problems to be insecure about.

They focus on being happy, not being right. A report published in 2013 in the British Medical Journal suggests that it’s better to be right than to be happy. In the study, a husband decided to agree with his wife, no matter what, for a period of time. In the end, he became so miserable that he had to end the study.

They give time for breather. Doing the same things over and over again can cause stress and burnout, which could affect your emotional regulation abilities. It is necessary to observe a sense of ‘balance’ in work and personal life to reduce stress.

They communicate. Keeping it all inside is not going to help you feel emotionally secure. In relationships for example, making wrong assumptions to the other person’s behaviour can cause one partner to feel insecure.

They pay attention. Emotionally secure individuals practise mindfulness – the process of paying attention in the present moment in a purposeful and nonjudgmental way. Research on relationship suggests that the more mindful you are, the more secure you will feel in your relationship, which in turn increases your satisfaction and happiness.

If you think you have poor levels of emotional security, don’t feel bad. Research says that certain habits, done faithfully, can lead to better emotional security and sense of self.