6 Things that Prove Rejection Hurts
Rejection hurts. We all know it. But its impact on our well-being could be more serious than we thought. So today, let’s tackle some of the interesting facts about rejection that decades of research have uncovered.
Rejection is painful, literally.
Brain scan studies on rejection have found that feelings of rejection activate the same areas that are activated when we are experiencing physical pain. Yes, the physical pain is so real that participants who took Tylenol (a painkiller) before recalling a painful rejection experience felt less emotional pain than subjects who received a sugar pill or a placebo.
It’s even more painful than physical pain.
You probably can’t remember anymore how painful it was to cut yourself with a knife in the kitchen the other week. With rejection however, the pain can last forever. Even if it has happened 10 years ago, just the thought of that rejection experience can cause you deep, discomforting pain. Here’s the thing – the human brain acknowledges rejection more than any other emotions as a survival instinct. The following fact explains why.
Rejection destabilises our ‘need to belong’.
Even during the ancient times, humans have known the importance of the need to belong in the community, or in a tribe, or a social group to their own survival. Those who wander alone were at high risk of ending up eaten by wild beasts, whilst those who stay in groups felt safer and were more secure. We carry this trait in the present times that being disconnected with our loved ones can make us feel afraid, and as if our life is worthless.
Rejection fuels anger and aggression.
A 2001 study by the Surgeon General of the U.S found that feeling rejected increases the risk of teen violence more than drugs, poverty, or gang membership. Even mild feelings of rejection could trigger people to demonstrate aggressive behaviours on innocent bystanders. However, much of the aggression caused by rejection is turned inwards – that is, these people end up choosing to hurt themselves.
Even pain from mild rejection lingers.
Even brief, seemingly innocuous episodes of rejection can sting. In one study, researchers from Purdue University, headed by Williams, Eric Wesselmann, PhD, found that when participants passed a stranger who appeared to look “through” them rather than meeting their gaze, they reported less social connection than did people who made eye contact with a passing stranger. In fact, it is really hard to find situations in which rejection isn’t painful, the researchers note.
It deprives us of our wit.
Being asked to recall an experience where they have been rejected is enough to cause significant reduction in one’s IQ scores, particularly on tests of short-term memory, and tests of decision making. This proves the notion that when we are feeling rejected, our thinking is disrupted, so we aren’t able to concentrate and perform at our best.
Whilst rejection creates deep, agonising pain, there are ways to treat the psychological wounds it inflicts. To do this, we must first accept and recognise whatever the emotions rejection brings to us. It may take some time, but most people get over the pain and hurtful feelings of rejection. Seeking support from a therapist can speed up the process.
How do you deal with rejection? We’d like to hear your thoughts. Post a comment below.
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