6 Psychotherapy Exercises to Rebuild Intimacy

Sharon Moore August 07, 2014

Do you feel less close to your partner than you were years ago? Do you feel like he or she has changed? Do you no longer feel the ‘flame’? Do you think both of you are losing it?

Before you resort to extreme remedies (such as cheating, breaking up with your partner or filing a divorce), you may want pause for a while and try to figure out the root cause of the problem. Also, you can try these simple exercises that psychotherapists often ask their clients to do.

Remember positive experiences.

Think about 5 experiences with your partner that made you feel really close to him or her. It doesn’t matter if they just happened last month or 5 years ago. Let the memories surface. Then, when both of you have a number of times in mind, sit down with each other and share. Try to figure out what made those experiences special. You might be surprised to find out a pattern. Maybe the reason why you feel like you’re losing intimacy is because you no longer have time for each other. This activity helps identify what you need and what you want out of the relationship. At the same time, it will also help identify what went wrong with the both of you as a couple.

Focus on each other’s good attributes.

Don’t overthink about the wrong thing your partner did, or what he or she failed to do. If you managed to stay together for a couple of years, chances are, he or she has done more right than wrong. So why not focus on those good things instead? Go back to the time when you first realised that you love him or her. What are the qualities you adore so much about your partner?

Take part of an activity your partner enjoys.

Another great intimacy building activity is participating in activities that your partner enjoys, even if you don’t personally like it. If your hubby loves watching war movies and you don’t, go and watch one with him. Or if she loves baking, assist her even if you find the stuff boring. This activity lets you know more about who your partner is. Try to find out why he or she likes it. Talk to each other about the experience, instead of dismissing the idea right away.

Keep the lines open.

At the core of every relationship is communication. When was the last time you had a heart to heart conversation – the kind of conversation away from friends and other people – just the two of you? A lot of arguments happen because couples aren’t open to each other. When something is wrong, they choose to walk away than talk about it. Even if there are no disagreements, you still have to keep the lines open. Every day, designate time for your partner wherein your full attention and thoughts are just centred on him or her. This will make your partner feel that he or she has a very special place in your life.

Accept differences.

Just because you have conflicting wants and interests doesn’t mean you are not bound to be with each other. The thing is that we are all different. No matter how many commonalities you both have, there will be differences. And they shouldn’t be a reason to distant from each other. We just got to accept them.

Build new positive experiences.

Maybe the intimacy is dying because you stopped creating happy memories together! So now is the time that you pursue on that long planned vacation. Not possible? What about a romantic dinner for two, a couple’s massage, a trip to the theatre or a day at the amusement park? New positive experiences are going to keep the fire burning in your relationship. So make sure you are giving time and effort on them.