50? Where to Now?

Geraldine Marsh, PG Dip, MBACP Counselling, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Hypnotherapy in Hither Green June 29, 2015

“Today, I woke up with an overwhelming sense of my own ordinariness” Anon

Sometimes one can feel ‘wrong-footed’ on reaching their 50’s. Instead of the warm feeling of achievement and enjoying some modicum of comfort – instead, it can feel a stuck, dull and unchallenging place. You still have the anxieties of responsibilities, but none of the hope of younger years. It then becomes easy to see your earlier life, which at the time felt like interminable struggle – building careers, or raising families - seem like halcyon days full of purpose and activity.

It can be an awful feeling, like languishing in some kind of depression, yet not understanding the reasons. It is all so indefinable. What is it you have lost? What is not right? Did you want to be a writer? Or a famous chef? But somehow ended up somewhere completely different? What did happen to your dreams, or the person you thought you were?

This is why talking, really talking, to a trained counsellor or coach, about your earlier dreams and goals is so fundamentally important. This may initially feel quite painful, as there could be feelings of failure around the aspirations of your youth. However, you will also have tangible things you have built up, ergo, you know what you are capable of, as well as having the resilience that age bestows. Therefore what better time to start re-defining the set of goals that most accurately reflect you, in this next part of your life.

50 – is young. Ask yourself how many productive years you can devote to any number of exciting projects. Or, perhaps you feel less capable of risking – particularly as there are now so many things to lose.

Then I give you the words of Kahlil Gibran:

“The lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host, and then a master” (The Prophet)

Comforts can trap you, and we live in a society that gives such value to ourselves as ‘good consumers’. Think on the difference though – Creating vs. Consuming. Something is formed from the first, and is taken away by the second. Ask yourself, what are you doing now? Did your dream involve a creation of some kind? That creative thing, the thing outside of the box, which we had the courage to entertain when young, but now terrifies us? Ask yourself indeed, what is the price of not doing that exceptional thing?

“I will wait for some confidence, and then I will do it.” Confidence is not a bus, for which you’ve just got to wait long enough and you’ll get a free bus pass. You will be waiting at the stop a very long time. You earn confidence by stepping into your discomfort zone. Yes, that is hard, really hard. Another reason why counselling and coaching can really support you in ‘staring the fear down’. Don’t expect the fear to go – just expect it to feel differently when you’re actually challenging yourself.

Do not allow an age to overawe you – whether it is 50, 60 or 80. Take the time to analyse where you are. You are an exceptional and unique person – so find the support you deserve, and embark on the next part of this extraordinary journey.