5 Ways to Let Go of Neediness

Helen Holmes December 18, 2012

A lot of us have experienced some form of neediness. Need for affection, time, love, care, money, etc. Experts define neediness as the undifferentiated dependence on others and feelings of helplessness and fears of desertion and abandonment, which when uncontrolled, can become so toxic that it can easily attract negativity in all aspects of your life.

Needy people often feel hopeless and unhappy. Research reveals that this life-threatening feeling arises from a self-critical mind set. Often, those who are very self-critical end up feeling excessively needy because they tend to seek affection and approval from others, and disconnect from their inner selves. They fear that letting go of someone, or something will make their life so miserable.

Fortunately, it is possible to overcome the feelings of neediness and prevent yourself from feeling depressed. Here are 5 ways to do so:

1. Reconnect to your inner self. Many people look at relationships as a means to fulfil their ‘incompleteness’. They feel better about it for a certain period of time. But later on, they become dependent on their partner’s affection. On the other hand, their partners start to feel that their significant others are becoming more possessive, needy, and overly dependent.

The best relationships are rooted in self-fulfilment. When you fully accept who you are, you become less needy of someone’s attention. When you feel complete on the inside, you become less needy of other’s affection.

2. Loosen up. Once you are able to reconnect with yourself, you will never feel alone. Stress, personal and financial problems, worries, and fears – these things are probably fuelling your sense of neediness. In order to avoid experiencing this unwanted feeling, make sure to give yourself a break. Loosen up! Go for a run, take a walk in the garden and appreciate those beautiful flowers, shop around, experiment on a new dish, exercise, meditate, join a yoga class – all these will reduce your anxiety and prevent you from feeling ‘needy’.

3. Determine your needs. Overcoming neediness begins by understanding the things that are making you experience it. What are they and where do they come from? Are you longing for reassurance that your partner will not leave you? Are you in need of encouragement to pursue your career? Are you in need of love, closeness, time or attention? Once you know what your needs are, you place yourself in a better position to address them.

4. Become emotionally mindful. It can be easy to deny that we are in need something. But doing this will only aggravate your feelings and make those needs hard to satisfy. In a piece of paper, write down all the negative emotions that’s burdening you. Be aware of the emotions you are experiencing. Try to determine and understand each one of them.

5. You attract what you think about. People often attract others who reinforce their neediness. If you always feel needy, ashamed, sad, miserable, and the like, you are likely to meet people who possess the same negative feelings. So instead of creating negative thoughts about yourself, develop positive ones. You will then discover like-minded souls who will help you heal.

Dear Readers,

How can the feeling of neediness affect your sense of being? How do we change this?

Share your comments below.